As a mom, I always dream of having my free time. I mean really, what mom doesn’t? After hours of puzzles, coloring, and Barbies, I just want time to myself to do what I want without hearing “mommy”. Read, write, watch TV, nap (yeah right)…whatever it is, I want to be able to just do what I want. So why do I sometimes feel lost when I actually get it? Let me tell you, it is the strangest and most annoying thing.
Recently, I hit the “mommy lottery”. My oldest daughter decided she wanted to sleepover her grandmother’s house “just because” and my younger daughter fell asleep uncharacteristically early. My husband was still at work.OMG, hours of free time! You would think I would have been doing my happy dance. I was…for a few minutes. Then, the strangest and most annoying thing happened…I didn’t know what to do with myself. Although I had a list of things on my “to do list”, I couldn’t figure out what I should be doing. In fact, I actually felt like the house was too quiet! How odd is that? I often pray for peace and quiet. Here it was staring me in the face and I still wasn’t happy.
There are plenty of times when I either leave the kids with grandma or drop them off and go do things and I am fine with that. I just think the tranquility of the house got to me because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The norm is noise, laughing, screaming…chaos. As much as I complain about it, it’s the way it’s supposed to be with two kids. It’s the way I’ve gotten used to things. So any interruption in the routine kinda weirds me out, I guess.
Eventually, I got some writing done that night and put some laundry away. I have to admit, the night felt so much longer with so much quietness. I was actually looking forward to the morning when my little one would be awake and her sister would be home.
Maybe it’s a case of “be careful what you wish for” or “motherhood changes everything”. Whatever it was, it really was the strangest and most annoying thing.