AUTHOR ARCHIVES :

Ciao Ciao Mr. Clean!

   Do you hear that? Those are the dishes in the sink that are screaming to be washed. Ooh..hear that too? Those are the clothes that just want to jump out of the hamper and into the washing machine. Yep, those are just some of the chronic chores that really try to put a dent in my day sometimes. If you know me, you know I am a neat freak with a tinge of OCD mixed in. But, ever since I had kids, I’ve had to let a lot of that go. I’ve come to accept that my house will never be what it was before the kids came along. That’s painfully evident in the new storage ottoman we bought to replace the glass coffee table. Sigh.

   With the house getting messier by the minute, you would think I would be cleaning 24/7. Although there are some days I wish I could just ship the kids out, crank up my Bon Jovi CD and curl up with Mr. Clean, many times I don’t get a chance to lift a finger until they go to sleep, which in my house can be 11 o’clock, but that’s a different topic for a different blog! So what am I doing with all my time you ask? Am I watching what soap operas are left on TV and eating bon bons (how stereotypical, I know)? Am I playing angry birds or words with friends? Nope. I’m trying to spend as much quality time with the girls as possible. Many days that means putting everyday chores aside for the time being and giving them my full attention.

   As a mom, it’s hard to find the perfect balance between obligations, chores, fun, and parenting. If anyone has found it, please clue me in! I think a lot of women, myself included, think we have to have the perfect house with everything in its place. We have to meet all our obligations and wear ten-thousand hats. Why can’t we just be moms and let the rest just fall into place? Why can’t we spend all day reading and playing with our kids and let all that other stuff just wait? Is that so bad? This is not to say you should let your house look like the ones on “Hoarders”, but you don’t need to have the Good Housekeeping seal of approval either.

   If my older daughter wants me to read a book I’m not going to say no just because there are dishes piling up in the sink. The dishes will be there, unless the maid comes and does them. Just kidding. I am the maid. If you push your kid aside, they might not be there the next time around. So, here’s to letting Mr. Clean find a new BFF! Read a book to your kids or take them to the park. Then once they go to bed, reward yourself by raising a glass to being a good mom. Just make sure you don’t leave it in the sink!

Dealing with a Momaholic

   Her first word was Daddy. But now my two and a half year old sounds more like Stewie from that “Family Guy” commercial. You know the one, “mom, mommy, momma, mom, mom, mom…hi.” Kids love their moms, simply put. It’s a great thing because there really is nothing like the love of a child. But, is there ever too much of a good thing? Don’t kill me for saying this, but I am learning that yes, there can be. Every since my two and a half year old was born she never really had a hard time separating from me. That is, until now. I left for work way early in the morning, so she never saw me when she woke up. At night, her Daddy usually put her to bed because I would go to sleep so early. When I would leave her to go out, she would wave to me and say bye…kinda like don’t let the door hit your you know what on your way out. She was always happy to see me when I returned, but we never had that separation anxiety I’ve also dreaded. You know the kind…the kind when kids are stuck on you like a piece of paper you accidentally gorilla glued to your finger. Well, I am afraid to say we are on that path. She is becoming a momaholic. We made need an intervention.

   I think there are a few things that have factored into what I hope is just a temporary condition. There is now a new little one in town. She’s taken her space, taken her old clothes, and more importantly is stealing her mommy time. In fact, she will now point to me and say “you’re mine.” No joke. She has also become used to me being home with her now. As soon as I put on my coat and shoes and don’t grab hers, she knows something is up. The lip becomes pouty, the eyes droop, and then come the water works. This is usually the part when I feel like the worst mother on the planet. But, I can’t be with her every second of everyday!

   I started noticing the early signs of momaholicism when we were at her play gym class. The last five minutes is “separation time.” The kids are supposed to play with each other while the parents sit on the sidelines. That is what is supposed to happen. For me, and one other mom there, that is not what happens. My daughter will play for about 30 seconds and then run over to get me to play with her. The other moms stare like this has never happened to them, all of them except for the one whose son is glued to her too. We exchange sympathetic eyes. I try to get my daughter to go back and play, but she ain’t buying it. I just don’t get it. She is a social kid. Really, she is. Most times when she is with kids she knows, she forgets she knows me. I keep telling myself the “stranger” element is at play. I hope.

   So what’s a mom to do? Well, I’m trying to set up more play dates and more importantly trying to detach a bit, even if it is just to do some errands or go to the gym when she is actually awake so she deals with me leaving. Does this make me a bad mom? Some may say yes. But I say no. I don’t want her to become one of those kids who can’t be without their mommy, especially when she heads to preschool in the fall. I know the day will come when she will forget who I am and not want anything to do with me. I’ll probably cry and wish for these days again. But, for now I need to find ways to cope with my little momaholic.

Potty Training is Going Down the Toilet

   I never thought getting someone to do their business in the potty would be hard. I always heard how difficult potty training can be but I always thought parents were exaggerating. Nope, they weren’t. It’s hard, yep, and frustrating might I add. My master plan was to have my two and a half year old potty trained by Christmas. Go ahead and laugh. Santa Claus has left the building and we are not potty trained.

  My daughter actually did her first deed in the potty months ago at her grandmother’s house. I remember my husband called me at work and told me. I actually was sad that I missed this “first”. It may sound silly, but it was a milestone to me and I missed it, but I digress. I thought after that it would only be a few short weeks before we ditched the Pampers. I was wrong. During the weeks and months following, she has made progress. But, we are still mainly on diaper duty. She does go on her “princess potty” on occasion. The thing plays music after you go, which she seems to love. I’ve told her to tell mommy before you have to go pee pee or poo poo. She tells me after the fact. Baby steps, I guess.

  In my quest to have just one child in diapers in 2012, I’ve followed the advice of so many potty training warriors before me and invested in Pull Ups. Our pediatrician told us they really don’t work, but I bought them anyway. My daughter already knew how to pull up her pants before I introduced her to this marvelous creation. When I first showed them to her, she was probably thinking, “duh, mommy, I’m not stupid, I mastered this awhile ago.” We’ve been doing the Pull Up thing since October and we are still on the local train to becoming potty trained. There are days when the potty is her buddy, and other days when it is public enemy number one. Did I think she would magically put on a Pull Up and decide to go in the potty each and every time? No. But, I did think it would speed up the process more than it has. I know they are supposed to make kids feel like they have real underwear on as they pull them up and down, but what other purpose do they serve? So,yes, sorry to say,Pull Ups have let me down. I just don’t get how they help a kid get potty trained.

   So, what’s next? I’ve decided to go hardcore. That means introducing her to”big girl” underpants. I’ve actually started it today because I knew we were going to be home for the duration. I put on some old pants, and am keeping her away from the couch and my new ottoman as much as I can.Crazy? Maybe. Messy?Definitely. I’ve already cleaned up one puddle. But, a mom’s got to do, what a mom’s got to do. Hopefully by experiencing what it really feels like to wet yourself, the potty will really become her BFF. Hopefully.

Missing the Target on Breastfeeding

If you’ve turned on a TV in the past few days or read anything online or in the paper, you know breastfeeding has been making headlines once again. This time they’re not talking about the benefits, but rather where and when a woman can feed her child in public. It’s all because of what happened at a Target down in Texas. A woman decided to nurse her fussy child in the women’s clothing section when a few workers asked her to go to a fitting room to finish. She says some others gave her dirty looks. She tried to explain to them that the law in Texas (and in many other states) allows women to breastfeed in public. She was so mad she called Target headquarters to complain about how she was treatred. I read that Target welcomes women to breastfeed in public areas of the store without being made to feel uncomfrtable. Target is now going to make sure all of its employees are aware of its policy. In support of her and other breastfeeding moms across the country, many women staged a “nurse-in” at Target stores.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love me some Target shopping, but what these workers did was so not cool. As a breastfeeding mom, it’s hard to schedule outings and errands around when you think your child may want to eat or around when you may have a “milkplosion” if you don’t let it all out. Like they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go. In this lady’s case, her child was hungry, plain and simple. I’m sure if she let her child scream people would have looked at her too because she was “that mom” with “that kid.” They would have wondered why she wasn’t doing something to keep her kid quiet.

Personally, I don’t breastfeed in public because I don’t feel comfortable doing it. I like sitting on my couch with my boppy and my baby. I supplement with formula because my baby eats a lot. This also allows me the luxury of being able to pop a bottle in her mouth if we’re out and she does get hungry. Women who breastfeed exclusively should be able to at anytime without feeling like a social outcast or for fear of making any man or woman, for that matter, feel uncomfortable. If the woman was standing in the store wearing a string bikini on the verge of having a Janet Jackson Superbowl wardrobe malfunction I wonder how many male employees would complain. Being the catty species we can be, I’m sure the female workers would still have some comments, myself included ! I feel for this Texas woman who was just being a good mom and really using her breasts for what they were intended for. It’s just sad that although we’ve come so far, so many people are still off target when it comes to breastfeeding.

‘Twas Two Days Before Christmas

‘Twas just two days before Christmas and all around my home, everyone was stirring, no one would leave me alone.
The stockings were hung over the fireplace with care, my husband used Command hooks so no marks would be left there.
Oh,how I wish the children were all snuggled all nice in their beds, they’ve been bathed, they’ve been rocked, of course they’ve been fed, so why do I still have visions of them sleeping dancing in my head?
Mama’s in the kitchen with still a lot to do, wrapping, baking, plenty of cleaning left too.
Now Comet!
Now Lysol!
On Swiffer!
On Bissell!
To the top of the counter, all the way down to the floor, you know what to do, we’ve done this before!
Dust bunnies and dirt, be gone once and for all!
All this work for just one day, the shopping, the cooking, the baking, it seems like it will never get done, but in the end it is worth all the fun.
The hustle and bustle, every year I complain, but without all the ruckus it just wouldn’t be the same.
The children are anxious, Christmas Day is almost here, it’s the day many of them dream of all year.
There will be wrapping paper flying and directions to be read, plenty of Dads will be wishing they assembled those toys ahead.
When it’s all over, the kids will be happy, everything will be just fine and Mommy can finally have that one glass of wine.
Maybe I’ll have two, yes, I really just might!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Costly Christmas with Kids? I Don’t Think So!

  “Mommy, I want that…no mommy, I want that…and that…no wait, I have to have this.” For the love of Christmas, this season can make you lose your mind…and a lot of money if you let it!  Chances are your kids have made their lists and now you’re checking them twice to see what you can afford. Right now, I’m lucky, my kids are two months and two years old. Although my two year old can now form sentences “I want (fill in the blank)”, she hasn’t picked up on actually wanting toys or seeing them in a commercial and realizing she will die without them. A lot of people tell me this is the last year I can “get away cheap” with her. My two-month old doesn’t even know what day it is, so I’m safe there.
  So with no real lists to lead me in the right toy aisle, what do I buy and how much do I spend? Hmmm…there’s the Barbie Jeep for $300 that my two year old can only ride for a few months out of the year and will probably grow out of in two summers, although her sister will be able to use it down the road.  There are Barbie dream houses for upwards of $100, but she’s too young for those yet. Her and Barbie are still strangers, so scratch these things off the list. Then there’s that new annoying rock star Elmo thing for about $60. If that thing enters my home, I may need to find it a new one…in the garbage.
   As far as my two-month old goes, there are a lot of educational toys out there I could buy that promise to have her reciting the encyclopedia by the time she’s one. If you’ve been following my blog, you know I’m never going to buy into that again! I’m not sure what other hot toys are out there, but there’s a good chance you won’t find them in my house the morning of December 25th.That’s not to say my children won’t be getting gifts, but I’m not going overboard. I know so many people who bombard their kids with so many gifts that it looks like the Toys R Us toy book threw up in their living room. A.) I think that’s ridiculous and B.) I think that’s setting them up to expect that flood of gifts all the time, which is really setting them up for disappointment, unless they have some rich uncle or something.
   So, why do we feel like we need to spend so much on our kids? Between diapers, clothes, and little odds and ends, I spend more money on them on a monthly basis than I do on myself even before they came along. So just because it’s Christmas, I have to empty my bank account? Why…to show them how much I love them? Did the three Kings max out their Visa cards or cash out their Christmas Club account (do banks even have those anymore?) before visiting baby Jesus? I think you get my point. I just get so frustrated when I hear how much some people spend on their kids for Christmas. I know it’s none of my business, but I just don’t get it, so if someone could explain it to me, that would be great!
  I can honestly say that I did not spend a lot on my kids this Christmas. And by “a lot” I mean I didn’t even spend $100 each. Call me a bad parent, call me cheap, call me whatever you want. But, will my children love me any less Christmas morning? I think you know the answer to that.

My Christmas List

Dear Santa,
   I know times are tough this year and your rent in the North Pole went up along with the cost of living. You might have also lost a bit in that 401K and you also probably had to lay off a few elves, so there are less people to make all those toys. The elves you have are probably working OT or maybe you outsourced, who knows. Whatever the case may be, the things on my list have no assembly required and don’t need batteries, so you’re in the clear. I know you’re busy, but I would appreciate whatever you could through my way. I think I’ve been a good girl this year, so work your magic before heading to Florida for the winter (I assume you and the misses are snowbirds).
Here goes…
1. One day in peace to clean my house…I know this sounds odd, but I get a strange pleasure from cleaning my house from top to bottom even though I know it will just get dirty again within hours. I haven’t bonded with my Clorox wipes in awhile, so throw an OCD chic a bone would ya?
2. Dinner at a restaurant that doesn’t have crayons…love those kids to pieces, but it would be nice to eat a meal that someone has actually cooked rather than one that has been copied from a picture from corporate headquarters
3. One night of uninterrupted sleep…need I say more?
4. A pay-per-view movie palooza that includes a day in my jammies and maybe a visit from good old Ben & Jerry..I really just want to watch “Something Borrowed” since I read the book
5. A day when my children could change their own diapers (okay I know this is unrealistic, but a momma can dream!)
   I think that just about covers it Santa. Shoot me a tweet or friend me on Facebook if you have any questions. You shouldn’t have trouble finding our house, it’s done up Clark Griswold style. My husband likes to keep the electric company in business, what can I say! I’ll leave you some home baked cookies, if my children nap, if not you’re getting Chips Ahoy because that’s what was on sale this week. I will have a nice glass of milk waiting for you too.
Sincerely,
Kristina

Thinking and Thanking

   Thanks. When was the last time you said it or was thankful for something (and I’m not talking about saying thanks when the guy behind the counter gives you your change) ? I’m talking about really being thankful for something. It seems as though we’re so busy working, talking, texting, facebooking, tweeting, etc., these days that we really don’t take time to just sit back, relax and realize what we really do have. I’m definitely included in this “we”.  Last weekend, I went out to breakfast with my husband and kids when a stranger made a comment that really stuck with me. My husband and I were looking at the menu, my little baby was asleep in her little carrier, and my two year old was deciding who she wanted to sit with, when a man passed by and said two little words…beautiful family. We both looked up and said thanks. As I was deciding whether I wanted eggs or french toast, I thought to myself, wow, I really do have a beautiful family. So, why did it take a complete stranger to make me really think about that? At times, you really don’t realize how fortunate you are and appreciate what you have, because you’re too busy wanting and complaining about what you don’t have that you don’t see what’s staring you in the face, 24/7.
   Sure I’m aware of my husband and kids because often I’m too busy complaining about something they’re doing or didn’t do. But, do I ever realize how I’m grateful I am to have them? No. I’m too worried about who didn’t clean the kitchen, who’s not going to bed on time, who’s spitting up, how many diapers I’ve changed in a day, hell, in an hour! I never stop and think about how lucky I am to have them and how some people would just die to have my family. There are so many couples who are struggling to have kids that they wouldn’t complain about diapers or getting up in the middle of the night. I guess you could say I just take it all for granted. The same could be said for my husband. Ladies, you know there are so many crackhead losers out there that it’s hard to find a good man, and when you do, you kinda just forget how good they are. You never say thanks for the little things, but you sure find the time and the words to complain about them. Funny how that works. It’s kinda like that Lenox crystal you get for your wedding. You love it when you get it, but then you put it on a shelf or in a closet and forget you have it.
  So after this post, will I never complain about the things that my kids and husband do that annoy me? Probably not. Okay, definitely not. But, will I try to take a deep breath and a step back and look beyond all that? Honestly, yes. As cliche as it may sound, you do need to take some time to smell the roses and appreciate how beautiful they really are. It’s sad that it takes some turkey and stuffing or some random guy at a diner to get you to think about what’s really important in life.

Can I Have Your Attention Please?

   Mom…mom…mom…mommy…momeee!!!! How many times have you heard that today? Fifty, maybe one-hundred times? In case you didn’t know it’s the sound of your child wanting your attention. I’ve always known kids need and want attention, but I’ve never realized how much until I had my second child. One cries, then the other. Sometimes if I’m lucky, they’ll both do it at the same time. That’s what I call the symphony. Let me tell you, it’s no Mozart or Beethoven!
   Let’s start off with the baby. She cries out for attention, literally, when she needs to be fed, changed, or has some other kind of problem. The good thing is her needs can usually be met rather quickly. I can say pretty confidently that when she needs attention, she gets it, is satisfied and moves on. Once she’s full and fed she can just chill for awhile.The same can not be said for my two-year-old. She needs a little more TLC. Before the baby came along, she kind of did her own thing. But now, things are a little more complicated and just plain old exhausting. Instead of crying out to get her needs met, she can actually tell me what she needs for the most part. If she’s hungry, she says, “Mom, I want yums.” If she needs to go to the bathroom or get changed she says, ” Mommy, pee pee.” Those needs are easy to meet. It’s when she starts whining “Mommy” and grabbing my leg like a dog in heat that things get dicey. Ever since the baby came along, she wants to be held more, played with more, and just simply be around me more. Sometimes that’s not so easy. I know it’s normal, but sometimes it drives me totally nuts!! I know that comment won’t win me mom of the year, but it’s the truth and I know a lot of other moms who can relate. Of course I want to hold her, play with her, and talk to her as much as I can, but now there is another little person who also needs me. Sometimes I wish I could just clone myself (and if I could I would also clone a version of myself who only had to worry about house chores…but that’s a subject for another blog). Sometimes I feel like there really needs to be two of me to deal with both kids and all that goes along with it. But, I don’t think my husband could deal with another me!
   As much as I try to split my attention evenly, it seems inevitable that one child gets more attention than the other on any given day. But, who needs more attention? It’s funny, some people I talk to say the baby because it’s more important to bond with her as much as possible. Others tell me the two-year-old because she’s used to having me around and needs to know I am still here for her. The proverbial “they” say if she’s acting out, she must really, really need me, so I should go to her. Talk about confusing! It feels like no matter who I choose, someone is going to be mad.
   I will say it’s somewhat comforting to know that I’m not in this alone. We’ve talked to a lot of friends who have little babies and a two or three year old at home, and they are going through the same thing. In fact, some of their situations are even worse! Yes, I will admit it make me feel better to know my child is not the only one who grows devil horns every once and awhile. I guess it’s all a part of the growing pains (unfortunately, without Kirk Cameron or Tracy Gold, that’s a reference for all you 80’s fans!), and let me tell you these growing pains hurt and there are no commercial breaks! What else is in store for me? Guess, I’ll just have to stay tuned.

Maternity Leave…What’s Fair?

   A woman spends nine months carrying a child. It’s safe to say many women don’t get that much time to stay home and bond with their baby once he or she is born. I’ve talked to a lot of women who have had to go back to work after just six weeks home. Six weeks…seriously? That’s ridiculous. Let me break it down for you the way I see it. During the first two weeks after birth, your body is so beat up from being pregnant and labor that you can just about function. Add the duties of mothering a newborn and you’re just a hot mess looking for your next caffeine hit. So, that leaves four weeks to bond with your baby. The only bonding you’re doing is with their diapers and spit up. During the first month babies basically eat, sleep, and poop. It’s not until they reach that three month mark that they become more interactive. That’s not to say you can’t bond with them before then, but all the fun stuff happens later…just in time for you to go back to work. Other women I’ve talked to are lucky enough to get around 12 weeks off under the Family and Medical Leave Act, but don’t get paid for the entire time. That leaves many to deal with the tough choice of losing money or losing time with their child. As many people struggle to earn a buck, many have to choose cash over their child if they want to keep a roof over their heads.
   That is a sad scenario for such a world leader as the United States. I was reading that the U.S. and Australia are the only industrialized countries that don’t give moms paid leave nationally. Some states have different rules though. One article I read talked about a woman in Canada who got 14 months of paid maternity leave! That’s amazing and something that I think will never happen here in the good old  U-S of A. The article also talked about a couple in Sweden who was splitting 16 months of what they call parental leave at 80% pay. And”Czech” this out….I read that in the Czech Republic all mothers can decide to take 2, 3, or 4 years of maternity leave! The state supports them during that time period. That would never fly in the U.S. There are also other countries that have generous maternity leave policies. Wikipedia actually breaks it down in a nice chart. Here’s the link if you want to check it out.
   So, where did the U.S. drop the ball? Do we not value a mother or father’s time with their child? Would the children in this country end up better if they had more time with their parents before being shipped off to daycare or some other caregiver? No one truly knows, but here’s my two cents. No one is going to love or take care of a child like a parent, unless of course they are abusing them or on drugs or something. No one is going to instill the values you want your child to have better than you. Unfortunately, we live in a country where things like that are not valued (then we wonder why some kids have so many problems and are so screwed up). If we did, more women would have access to paid maternity leave to give them time to bond with their children when they are most vulnerable.
   I know some women who would cringe at the idea of two or three years maternity leave. Some women just itch to get back to work because staying at home just isn’t for them. But, they should have that option. Right now so many women don’t have the choice to take the time off or leave it and to me that is just not fair.