Am I Doing Enough?

As a mom, I often wonder, “Am I doing enough?”

Sure I carried both my children for nine months, nursed them until my nipples felt like they were going to fall off, woke up countless times a night only to put them back to sleep while I stayed up all night because I couldn’t finish my Adam Levine dream.

Sure, I cleaned all kinds of poop and other bodily fluids (still do that actually!).

Sure I deal with tantrums and countless sibling arguments over Barbies and other toys that make me wish I could just disappear at times.

Sure I quit my job to raise my kids. That saw the evaporation of regular conversation that doesn’t include figuring out if Sprout is showing a new Caillou or if it’s one we’ve seen too many times. It meant making so many other sacrifices too numerous to mention.

With all of that, why do I still question if I’m doing enough? Why do I wonder if I’m doing enough to make sure my kids are learning enough when they are home with me? Is my oldest writing her letters like other four year-olds? Can my youngest tell the difference between orange and yellow? Is she saying enough words? Am I taking them to do enough activities? Am I reading enough books?

Aahh!!! I could go on and on.

After thinking about it for a bit, I’ve come to a semi-conclusion. I’m sure some people may not like it, but I’m gonna throw it out there anyway.

Because I am a SAHM, and obviously spend a lot of time  at home,  I think I put more pressure on myself to make sure I am doing enough. Instead of getting things done in the house or going through some magazines (yeah right!), I feel as though I should be doing something with them or for them because I am home. This is my job, right?  Does anyone else feel this way?

I know when I was working I felt guilty that I wasn’t spending enough time with my daughter. But, I also knew I was working and contributing to the household income, which in turn was benefitting her. So it felt like it was enough.

There are so many days I just want to lay on the couch and get lost in my DVR shows while enjoying a cup of coffee while it is still hot. It’s not to say that my kids don’t know how to entertain themselves, because they do. There are times when I do “sneak” off to get something done or try to relax. I could probably do it more often, but I don’t. So sometimes I am my worst enemy. There, I fully admit it.

In the end, am I doing enough? Probably so.

Will I ever truly feel as though I am? Probably not.