The Santa Interrogation

So, I’ve been off the grid for awhile, dealing with all things holiday…shopping, decorating, waking up in a cold sweat when I realize I forgot to move the darn elf, and oh yeah, dealing with the Santa interrogation.

Up until this point, I’ve been able to play the Santa thing with no problem. No questions. No doubt. My kids just took everything I said about Santa as gospel.

He lives at the mall until Christmas Eve.

He has elves that go to Target while the other elves stay at the North Pole to make the other toys Target doesn’t sell.

He manages to come down the chimney without setting the alarm and yes he eats ALL the cookies ALL the children everywhere leave him. That’s why he’s so big.

But, this year, both of my girls want to know more about this man we call Santa. Anyone who knows me can tell you I don’t have a poker face. So, lying is not my specialty. But, for the sake of Santa and all things Christmas, I do my best. I think it’s working…well sorta.

Cue “The Santa Interrogation”.

My 8-year-old has been asking me about all the other “pop-up” Santas we’ve been seeing at different craft fairs, tree lightings, and other events.

“Those aren’t real, right mom?”

Think fast woman!

At the risk of having her believe that Santa runs around all over and leaves his post at the mall, I answer, “Right, those aren’t real. They just help Santa because they know he’s so busy. They’re kinda like elves, but just a step up.”

Buy it, come on, buy it!

“Yeah mom, that’s what I thought. But the one at the mall is the real one, right?”

Quick answer here.

“Of course, the mall Santa is the real deal.”

Now the trick is to only go to one mall so they don’t see all the other ones. Oh yeah, he sleeps in the food court at night too…no I didn’t say that, but I wanted to.

Whew! Dodged that one.


Now my 6-year-old is getting in on the action.

“Mom, how does Santa make it to all the boys and girls on Christmas Eve?”

Why, why do you want to know? Think fast…

“It’s part of the magic of Christmas. No one really knows.”

Really lame answer, I know. 

Silence. No response. She may be on to me.

“Santa always remembers what I want, that’s cool.”

Yes! Faith restored. We’re good! 

“Mom, what does Santa do when it’s not Christmas?”

Who cares?!?

“He takes a nice vacation because Christmas makes him so tired.”

That was an easy one.

“How does Santa know where we live?”

He googles us.

No, really, “He just knows. Santa knows everything.”


Exit children from the table.

The Santa Interrogation is over…for now.


Although the endless questions can get a bit much I know I’m going to miss this time. When else can I tell my kids that it’s okay to sit on a strange old man’s lap and it’s even more okay to let him break into our house once a year to leave presents without taking one thing? What’s even better is that he knows when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, so don’t bother sleeping with one eye open because he’ll know that too.

Christmas truly is a magical time, isn’t it?


Mom’s List to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know these lists are only supposed to be for the kids, but I think you know just as much as I do, us moms deserve a wish list too. We deal with the kids when they’re naughty, not just nice. I know you’ve been watching so you know what I’m talking about.

So Santa, do you think you can give me one day of peace and quiet? One day when I can actually watch a show without having to pause it every ten seconds. One day when I can have a phone conversation without having to clean up a spill or wipe a butt at the same time. I know that’s asking a lot.

Do you think you can make my older daughter stop playing school 24/7? I’m all for learning, but I can not take playing school for two hours every day when she comes home from being in school all day long! Santa, it drives me insane.

I would also love if I could have one night when I don’t have an elbow to my head or a knee in my side. I just want everyone to sleep in their own beds all night long. Please.

I know this sounds like a weird one, but can you give me some time to clean and organize my house in peace? You know how OCD I used to be and how it kills me when things get too out of control. I could be more efficient if I didn’t have to break up an argument every ten minutes or change Barbie’s outfits because her clothes are too darn tight.

Santa, can you help my little girl say the word “funk” better so when she’s singing “Uptown Funk” people don’t think she’s a truck driver? On the same page, can you help her with her “s” sound so that when she’s talking about “shows” people don’t think she’s talking about something else?

Can you also give me the energy to get up and go to the gym everyday so I don’t get a muffin top and there’s not more junk in my trunk?

I think that just about does it for now Santa. I know I’m asking for a lot here. I know you have to try to fulfill the wish lists of all the other mommy’s out there too. But, I’m sure our elf, Sweet Abigail, told you I’ve been a good girl this year. So, maybe you could move me up the list?

Thanks for listening Santa. I’m signing off now to try to finish the book I’ve been reading for two months now. Perhaps I’ll finish it before summer.

Merry Christmas!