If My Kids Could Make Resolutions…

The Christmas trees are coming down, the presents have either been put away or returned or put into that “special” pile of crap that you don’t know what you’re ever going to do with. You’ve watched the ball drop at Times Square and have done the annual countdown to the New Year. So, guess what time it is? Yes, it’s time to make those resolutions. You know, the time of year when you pledge to be more organized, exercise more, eat better, be a better person, blah blah blah. But, what if your kids could make resolutions? What would they be? Well, since they don’t quite grasp the concept, I’m going to do it for them.

Here goes. If my three-year-old could make some resolutions, I would hope it would be to fall asleep earlier. I envy people who are able to put their kids to sleep at eight o’clock and claim they sleep for twelve hours straight with no interruptions. I want proof. I would also like for her to eat breakfast willingly without me having to make threats to her TV time and toys. Abby Cadabby and Dora’s lives have been put at risk one too many times. I would also like for her to stop calling people animals and stop telling people she doesn’t like them. It is annoying.

As for my one-year-old, I think she should try to sleep through the night without waking up and screaming as though she is possessed. Sleep training was working, but then we fell off the wagon, and we are back where we started. I also think she should resolve to change her own diapers. That would awesome. It would also be great if she would learn to share and not hit her sister. I know, a mom can dream. Another great resolution for her would be to learn how to ween off the boob. Mom is getting tired and it is getting old. I am not a human pacifier.

Now that I’ve made my children’s resolutions, you may be wondering if I’ve made any of my own. Even if you’re not wondering, I’ll share anyway. Mine fall under the blah, blah, blah, category for the most part…exercise more, eat better, and try not to sweat the small stuff. I’m also going to try not to complain so much about dumb things. It’s just hard when you’re sleep deprived and feel torn in five thousand directions. We’ll see if I can stick to these things and if I can get my children to comply with the resolutions I’ve made for them. Happy 2013 folks, let’s hope it’s a good one!

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