POSTS TAGGED : holiday

The Santa Interrogation

The Santa Interrogation

So, I’ve been off the grid for awhile, dealing with all things holiday…shopping, decorating, waking up in a cold sweat when I realize I forgot to move the darn elf, and oh yeah, dealing with the Santa interrogation.

Up until this point, I’ve been able to play the Santa thing with no problem. No questions. No doubt. My kids just took everything I said about Santa as gospel.

He lives at the mall until Christmas Eve.

He has elves that go to Target while the other elves stay at the North Pole to make the other toys Target doesn’t sell.

He manages to come down the chimney without setting the alarm and yes he eats ALL the cookies ALL the children everywhere leave him. That’s why he’s so big.

But, this year, both of my girls want to know more about this man we call Santa. Anyone who knows me can tell you I don’t have a poker face. So, lying is not my specialty. But, for the sake of Santa and all things Christmas, I do my best. I think it’s working…well sorta.

Cue “The Santa Interrogation”.

My 8-year-old has been asking me about all the other “pop-up” Santas we’ve been seeing at different craft fairs, tree lightings, and other events.

“Those aren’t real, right mom?”

Think fast woman!

At the risk of having her believe that Santa runs around all over and leaves his post at the mall, I answer, “Right, those aren’t real. They just help Santa because they know he’s so busy. They’re kinda like elves, but just a step up.”

Buy it, come on, buy it!

“Yeah mom, that’s what I thought. But the one at the mall is the real one, right?”

Quick answer here.

“Of course, the mall Santa is the real deal.”

Now the trick is to only go to one mall so they don’t see all the other ones. Oh yeah, he sleeps in the food court at night too…no I didn’t say that, but I wanted to.

Whew! Dodged that one.

Next.

Now my 6-year-old is getting in on the action.

“Mom, how does Santa make it to all the boys and girls on Christmas Eve?”

Why, why do you want to know? Think fast…

“It’s part of the magic of Christmas. No one really knows.”

Really lame answer, I know. 

Silence. No response. She may be on to me.

“Santa always remembers what I want, that’s cool.”

Yes! Faith restored. We’re good! 

“Mom, what does Santa do when it’s not Christmas?”

Who cares?!?

“He takes a nice vacation because Christmas makes him so tired.”

That was an easy one.

“How does Santa know where we live?”

He googles us.

No, really, “He just knows. Santa knows everything.”

Silence.

Exit children from the table.

The Santa Interrogation is over…for now.

Sigh.

Although the endless questions can get a bit much I know I’m going to miss this time. When else can I tell my kids that it’s okay to sit on a strange old man’s lap and it’s even more okay to let him break into our house once a year to leave presents without taking one thing? What’s even better is that he knows when you’re sleeping and knows when you’re awake, so don’t bother sleeping with one eye open because he’ll know that too.

Christmas truly is a magical time, isn’t it?

 

Too Sexy for Halloween

Too Sexy for Halloween

Halloween costumes have come a long way from the plastic outfits with matching masks that tightly pinched the back of your head. I remember buying them with my mom in the grocery store for under $10. Looking back, those masks weren’t probably the safest, nor were the 100% plastic costumes we walked around in, but in the ’80’s, E.T. and Strawberry Shortcake never looked so good!

Fast forward thirty years and good luck finding a costume for under $10! Not only that, if you want to dress up to go trick-or-treating or to go to a Halloween party with your kids, good luck finding a costume that doesn’t look like you walk the streets the other 364 days of the year for different kinds of tricks and treats.

I’m not saying we need to go out covered head to toe, but I also don’t think some of these super sexy costumes are practical for the average mom on-the-go at Halloween time.

Recently I went to one of those pop-up Halloween stores…you know the ones that disappear November 1st. I just needed a costume that I could wear to a party with my kids and for Halloween night. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right? Well, you name it and nearly every costume was way too sexy! From nurses to police officers to maids, there wasn’t anything I could see myself wearing comfortably. On top of that, I couldn’t find a costume for under $30.

It’s funny, when I clean my house I don’t look anything like those maids do on the costume bags, nor do I look like any of those nurses when I’m cleaning puke at 2a.m. I think having a maid costume consisting of old bleach-stained sweats, a tank-top and a headband is more appropriate. But, what do I know?

Needless to say, I walked out of the store a half-hour later costume-less. So, I went to a few more stores in search of something that was fun, practical, and somewhat comfy. I was disappointed to discover the same types of costumes. Unless I wanted to be a bottle of ketchup, a minion, or a hot dog, there wasn’t much out there for this mom. So, I went home without a costume.

I was ready to dust off my kitty cat headband and wash my black leggings and shirt for yet another Halloween when a lightbulb went off. Well, not really, I saw a pair of my husband’s shorts and I remembered a costume he put together to make the kids laugh. It was a nerdy looking guy with big knee socks, shorts hiked up, a sweat band, and funny glasses.  So, I re-created the costume for myself and couldn’t be happier! This was far better than anything I saw in any of the stores. It was comfy, funny, and practical.I added my own touches with some new socks and a t-shirt that was on clearance in Target. The bonus was that I spent under $20! Take that over-priced Halloween stores!

So, here’s the bottom line. Costume makers, can moms have some variety? Can you make some fun stuff for those of us who don’t want to catch pneumonia on Halloween by going out in barely nothing with our treats hanging out? Something besides ketchup bottles and hot dogs, please? Many of us would greatly appreciate it! Thank-you and Happy Halloween!

 

 

 

 

Gifting Experiences Over Presents This Holiday

As I sit here at my kitchen table and write this blog post, I can’t help but notice something out of the corner of my eye. It’s my children’s playroom. It’s a mess. I’m not ashamed to admit it because it’s the truth. Sure there are bins in there to organize the toys that are too small to put in my hands and the ones that are too large to leave out. But, those bins have failed. Or, should I say I’ve failed those bins. My kids and I just keep jamming more junk in there to the point where I couldn’t tell you what’s in there except for toys.

Many of those toys my kids haven’t played with in who knows how long. They always play the same things…school, dancing, Barbies, games. The other miscellaneous toys seem to get lost in the clutter. I can honestly say I think I’ve only bought about 10% of the items that are in that room. With two kids you tend to accumulate a lot of things through birthdays, holidays, and other events. That’s the reason why I’m choosing to gift experiences over presents this Christmas.

Of course my girls have asked Santa for toys. Honestly, they haven’t asked for all that much. They will get the one or two things they really want from Santa, minus an iPhone, because no 7 year-old needs one,  and minus a FurReal Cat because I find it extremely creepy. If Santa has the toy thing taken care of, what do Mom and Dad give? More toys? Nope. How about something that can’t really be wrapped?

I’ll explain. See, my 7-year-old has been asking for guitar lessons since she was five. I don’t know why, but she is infatuated with the guitar. So, this got me thinking. How about giving lessons as a Christmas present? Lightbulb on and Google activated. After a bit, what did appear at my googling fingertips, but music lessons in my area that not only specialize in the guitar, but several other instruments! This was better than using manufacturers coupons and store coupons on an item that’s already on sale! It gets better! Hard to believe, I know. There are even classes that my younger daughter can take since she likes music as well.

My husband and I decided this would make the perfect Christmas gift because it would introduce both girls to several instruments so they can figure out which ones they like. In the end if they decide playing an instrument is not their thing right now then that’s okay too. At least they gave it a try.

Giving the gift of this experience is far better than some toy they’ll play with for a week and then toss in the bin. Sure they may be confused when they open the box and see a paper explaining the lessons, but they’ll have the memories they’ll make together while learning something new. Perhaps it will even make them want to pursue more lessons. Whichever the case, I think it’s a win-win all around. Plus, it alleviates the clutter in the house which makes me one happy momma. Merry Christmas!

The Real Meaning of Mother’s Day

While many mothers may actually look forward to the second Sunday in May, I can’t say I do.

It’s not that I hate it or anything. It just doesn’t make me want to back flips.

In case you didn’t know this Sunday is Mother’s Day.

It’s the one day of the year when you’re obligated to buy Mom an over-priced bouquet of flowers, a shiny new necklace, chocolates and a spa treatment.

Been there, done that.

Retailers love Mother’s Day if you couldn’t tell by the bombardment of ads that we see for all of the “perfect” Mother’s Day gifts. I think I read somewhere that Mother’s Day is one of the top “holidays” for retailers. I can’t say I’m surprised. But I can say that it makes me sad.

While it’s great to be recognized for all of the jobs that fall under the mommy umbrella, I don’t need my family to pay homage on one day. I know it’s just a gesture, but sometimes I hate when people do things because they are expected of them. It means so much more when it comes out of nowhere and for no real reason in particular.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day comes in everyday life. It comes in the “I love you’s” and hugs my kids give me everyday because they want to, not because they feel like it’s what they should be doing on Mother’s Day.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your child says a big thank-you for chaperoning a class trip.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your kids ask you to snuggle up on the couch with them to watch TV.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your child isn’t feeling well and only wants mommy to comfort them.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your kids do a household chore without you screaming at them to do it.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your child colors you a picture of your family because they want to, not because their teacher told them it was time to make Mom a Mother’s Day card.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day is when your kids tell you that you look pretty when you’re not especially feeling that pretty at the moment.

The real meaning of Mother’s Day can’t be measured in flowers, chocolates, or facials. It’s measured in those special moments that you just want to bottle up and save forever.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas out there! May you find the real meaning of Mother’s Day.

 

 

5 Things to Say When You Hear “Mommy That Easter Bunny Isn’t Real”

5 Things to Say When You Hear “Mommy That Easter Bunny Isn’t Real”

As a parent we take on a lot of alter egos. Santa Claus. The Tooth Fairy. The Easter Bunny. It’s our job to keep the façade alive for as long as we can. But, as we know, all good things must come to an end. Sooner or later our roles as those alter egos are gone faster than we can say “of course they’re real”.

In my house, the tooth fairy hasn’t made an appearance, but we are eagerly awaiting her arrival. So we’re good there. Santa Claus is still alive and well although my older daughter is starting to use logic when it comes to that jolly old soul. The Easter Bunny is another story. I think his days are numbered.

After this year’s annual photo shoot with the dear old bunny, my 6-year-old abruptly turned to me and said, “Mommy that Easter Bunny isn’t real.”

Put a dagger in my heart! Are you crazy woman? If you’re going to debunk one of childhood’s greatest myths can you not do it in front of your 4-year-old sister who still believes this God forsaken bunny hops around to all the houses dropping baskets of Shopkins to everyone, including her?

So, what’s a momma to do? Here are 5 things to say when you hear those dreaded words, “Mommy that Easter Bunny isn’t real.”

  1. Deny it, but play it cool. Children are like dogs. They smell fear. They will sense that you are nervous about their latest discovery. Instead of wiping the sweat off your forehead and rocking back in forth in the corner, lie…it’s for their own good. I told my daughter, “What? Are you crazy? Of course the Easter Bunny is real. He’s just like Santa Claus and Santa Claus is real.” It seemed to work for me…at least for now.
  2. Play the helper card. Santa has helpers so why can’t the Easter Bunny? Think of all these mall and Easter hunt bunnies that pop up as the real Easter Bunny’s helpers. They’re kinda like elves…right? Wink, wink. The mall bunnies help out the real bunny. The Easter Bunny outsources. Deal with it.
  3. Confront the elephant or in this case bunny in the room. When my daughter made this revelation I asked her why she thought this blasphemy was true. I got a simple answer…”Because I could see a face through the top of his head.” Good answer. My answer: “Really? I didn’t see anything. You must be seeing things.” Silence.
  4. Defer to the other parent. When all else fails throw the other parent under the bus. If your child is acting like he or she is on “CSI” and won’t let up with the questioning, hand them over to your partner. That’s what I did. “The bunny is real, right Dad?” See what he comes up with, hopefully it’s better than the hand you’re holding.
  5. Ask the burning question. If the Easter Bunny didn’t handle all the baskets then who would do all that work on Easter? If your child answers “you would mommy” then you need to tell him or her “ain’t nobody got time for that.” If your child answers with an “I don’t know” then perhaps you have won this round of bunny madness.

I know I will probably cry myself to sleep when my kids realize I’ve been lying to them all these years. They’ll understand it was for their own good. If they don’t at least they will have appreciated all the loot they acquired over the years. Sigh.

 

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2015

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2015

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a Barbie in the dream house.

The stockings were hung by the fireplace with care, hoping to be filled with anything but silly underwear.

The children were nestled all snug in mommy and daddy’s bed (did you really thing they were going to sleep in their own beds?), while visions of Baby Alives and Barbie campers danced in their heads.

And Mama with her wine, and Daddy snoring fast asleep were so glad to finally not hear one peep.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter, I  didn’t feel like pausing the DVR and getting off the couch to see what was the matter.

So I peaked through the window, not really getting up, but I did see enough that made me actually want to jump.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick, it couldn’t be Grandma, so it must be Saint Nick!

Santa is real! Does that mean the Elf on the Shelf is too? Let’s not get crazy, I’ll believe in one, not two.

Before I knew it, he was calling their names! This night was turning into anything but lame.

Now Dasher! Now Dancer!

Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid!
On, Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!

Then he said, I brought the Baby Alive so your daughter won’t bawl. She won’t visit it in Target and won’t bug you at all. You can thank me now because I saved you a trip to the mall.

I got that Barbie pop-up camper too. Hopefully your daughter will play with it for hours and not say boo. Yeah, yeah I know…you’re welcome for that one too.

I couldn’t bag up peace and quiet for you and the hubs. You can’t have everything. Maybe next year you’ll ask for some other grub.

It’s been fun, but it’s time for me to go. I have plenty more stops and lots of toys for these reindeers to tow.

Before I dash away, dash away, dash away all, I need to tell you one thing.

If you think that silly Elf on the Shelf comes to see me in the North Pole, then all that sleep deprivation has really taken its toll!

 

 

Lessons Learned from Toppled Trees & Broken Ornaments

Christmas trees are part of the season. Whether you have a fake one or are a sucker for a real one every year like me, the tree is one of the many symbols of the season. So, what happens when your tree topples over sprinkling shatter glass all over your living room?

You learn and teach a lesson. (and clean it up of course!)

Let me set the stage.

Our tree was on its second stand of the season. You see, we had to transport it into another stand when we realized our first stand was leaking water because it had a crack at the bottom. So, one night my husband and I took off all the breakable ornaments and carefully transported it into its new home. When my kids woke up the next morning and saw half the ornaments were gone, they didn’t know what to think. So, I spun it into a fun activity called “we get to decorate the tree all over again, won’t that be fun?” Thankfully they bought what I was selling. Little did I know I would soon be selling that line again…really soon.

We redecorated the tree. It was just as fun the second time around. Okay, not really, but I had to play the game for the sake of the kids. All was well until a couple of nights ago.

We stopped home quickly to pick up my daughter’s favorite little teddy that we forgot on the way out. We ran in and turned on the light not prepared for what we found. Our poor tree had toppled over. There was broken glass everywhere. A huge puddle of water created a mini-lake on my floor.

 

tree fall

Cue the high pitched screams and hysterical crying.

My kids were just as crushed as some of the ornaments, if not more. Honestly, so was I. I love my Christmas ornaments, even the stupid ones. But, I had to quickly go into “mom mode” and stop this ship from sinking.

After wiping tears and giving hugs to calm my girls, I asked them if they were hurt.

They looked at me as if I told them a crazy elf flies back and forth to the North Pole every night and reports back to Santa.

“No, mommy, we’re fine. We weren’t even home.”

Exactly…you’re fine. Then I pulled out some lines that surprisingly made it all better.

“Ornaments are just things. Things can be replaced. If something bad happened to you guys, I could never replace you. There will never be another you in the whole world. There can always be another ornament.”

Silence.

Those frowns turned upside down. There were smiles slowly creeping back onto their faces. As annoyed and aggravated that I was at the entire mess, I felt better too. There’s just something that puts a smile on your face when you know you were able to make your children feel better when they’re sad.

I was even more surprised when my four-year-old told me that the tree was tired from standing so it probably just needed a nap!

So when life gives you a toppled tree…you teach a lesson…and then go make a bunch of paper ornaments!

 

 

Why Every Parent Has a Love/Hate Relationship with Their Elf on the Shelf

Why Every Parent Has a Love/Hate Relationship with Their Elf on the Shelf

They say Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. But, if you’re a parent who has welcomed an Elf on the Shelf into their home it’s anything but wonderful. I know, I know. We do it to ourselves, so we shouldn’t complain. But, we do.

This is the time of year when parents everywhere search for new and interesting places to position their elf so that their kids will really think that this freakish looking doll with a perma-smile actually flew all the way to the North Pole and came all the way back each and every night. This is the time of year when parents lie in bed feeling as if they forgot to do something only to awake in a soaking night sweat when they realize they forget to move the dang elf.

In case you’ve been under a rock, the story is that these elves do Santa’s dirty work. If Santa was the Godfather, the elves on the shelf would be his soldiers. Every day they are Santa’s eyes and ears. They see everything your kids are doing. From the good stuff like setting the table to the downright nasty stuff like when your kids use each other as a tissue. When the kids go to bed, the elf goes back to the North Pole to tell Santa what he saw. Then he flies all the way back and parks it in a new spot in your house.

Rinse. Lather. Repeat.

For the entire Christmas season.

In my house we start December 1st. The torture lasts 24 days.

God forbid the elf stays in the same place for two days. That would mean he didn’t go back to report to Santa. That would be bad. There’s also a catch. No one can touch the elf. If someone touches the elf, he loses his magic. This means he can’t report back to Santa. This means you have failed as a parent. Just kidding.

I have to give kudos to the creators of this torturous, addictive, but fun little creature. Kids eat this up! When our “Sweet Abigail” arrived this morning it was better than a Peppa Pig marathon on steroids. There was squealing and jumping and clapping. I’m sorry, did Jon Bon Jovi just enter my kitchen? Oh no, silly me. It’s just our elf.

My youngest daughter stared up at her in awe. She tried to have a conversation with her but soon realized it was useless. But, that didn’t stop her from continuing to tell Sweet Abigail what she wanted for Christmas. I quickly told her she had to be good or Sweet Abigail would tell Santa not to bring any presents. She didn’t question one word that came out of my mouth…for once.

My older daughter was just as happy to see our old friend. For her it was better than finding a dollar in a winter jacket. This was Sweet Abigail. This meant the Christmas season has officially begun in our house. Joy to the world!

During dinner time the girls were talking about where they thought they would find Sweet Abigail next. Thank God, because I know I am going to run out of ideas! But then my older daughter asked me if Sweet Abigail got hungry because she doesn’t eat all day. Good grief Charlie Brown! Is the mystery fading? Is she starting to doubt our mythical creature? Not a chance. I quickly told her Santa feeds her very well when she goes back to the North Pole so there was no need to worry.

She ate it up like apple pie on Thanksgiving. Crisis averted.

See what I mean? Kids believe in Elf on the Shelf just as much as Santa Claus. All kidding aside, it is fun to watch their innocence. Why wouldn’t kids believe that there is a jolly old man who brings toys to all the kids once a year? Why wouldn’t kids believe that there millions of elves that take the red eye back and forth to the North Pole every night? The answer is they have no reason not to…unless we mess it up for them…or unless they grow up. Bah humbug! We all know they are going to grow up one day and look back and laugh at their elf on the shelf days. When they do, we’ll all be wishing we could hide that dang elf for one more night.

 

 

 

What’s in Mommy’s Easter Basket?

What’s in Mommy’s Easter Basket?

So, Easter is just a few days away and I’m sure a lot of you out there are busy putting the finishing touches on your children’s Easter baskets, if you do the bunny thing. My girls are old enough now to get “it” and look forward to a basket on Easter morning. Gone are the days of fearing the freaky little rodent at the mall. This year, they practically wanted to invite him over for dinner…but I digress.

When it comes to kids’ Easter baskets, there are plenty of staples. Chocolate bunnies, eggs, bubbles, jump ropes, stickers, chalk…they all are great basket fillers for the little ones.

But, what if mommies got baskets too? We don’t…or at least I don’t…and it’s totally fine…really it is. But, I can’t help thinking what I would ask the Easter bunny for if I, too, got a beautifully wrapped basket Easter morning. Hmmm…

Well, since you asked, I’ll tell you.

One (or Two) Bottle of Pinot Grigio- Yep, that’s my favorite wine; I don’t drink red. It would be great if the bunny would bring some, but he would probably get carded.

Flavored K-cups- French Vanilla, Hazelnut, etc. I like flavored coffee, but for some reason, I never buy the flavored cups. Maybe the Easter bunny could hop to it and grab me a box.

Spa Gift Card- It doesn’t matter what holiday it is, a spa gift card is always appreciated. It always fits, never goes bad, and is, by far, one of the best gifts. I always opt for the massage or the nails…I’m not a big fan of facials. There’s just something that’s not relaxing about someone squeezing your face until you’re red and ruddy. But, that’s just me.

Golden Ticket for 1 Good Night’s Sleep– It seems as though no matter what happens, there’s always the pitter patter of little feet around 3 a.m., followed by one, if not two, children climbing over me and into my bed. I just don’t have the energy to kick them out! It would be great to just sleep all night without getting a knee in the ribs or an elbow in the forehead. I guess that’s what sleepovers at grandma’s are for!

New Sneakers– I hate shopping for new sneakers. I never know what color I want, what brand, what style, etc. I usually end up liking the shoes designed for running, but never know if I should buy them because I don’t run. Ever. It would be great if the magical bunny could figure it all out and pop a pair in my basket. Just sayin.

So, that’s it. That’s what would be in my basket.

No chalk.

No jump ropes.

No candy. Please no candy!

So, what would be in your Easter basket if the bunny came your way?

 

 

 

 

 

Mom’s List to Santa

Mom’s List to Santa

Dear Santa,

I know these lists are only supposed to be for the kids, but I think you know just as much as I do, us moms deserve a wish list too. We deal with the kids when they’re naughty, not just nice. I know you’ve been watching so you know what I’m talking about.

So Santa, do you think you can give me one day of peace and quiet? One day when I can actually watch a show without having to pause it every ten seconds. One day when I can have a phone conversation without having to clean up a spill or wipe a butt at the same time. I know that’s asking a lot.

Do you think you can make my older daughter stop playing school 24/7? I’m all for learning, but I can not take playing school for two hours every day when she comes home from being in school all day long! Santa, it drives me insane.

I would also love if I could have one night when I don’t have an elbow to my head or a knee in my side. I just want everyone to sleep in their own beds all night long. Please.

I know this sounds like a weird one, but can you give me some time to clean and organize my house in peace? You know how OCD I used to be and how it kills me when things get too out of control. I could be more efficient if I didn’t have to break up an argument every ten minutes or change Barbie’s outfits because her clothes are too darn tight.

Santa, can you help my little girl say the word “funk” better so when she’s singing “Uptown Funk” people don’t think she’s a truck driver? On the same page, can you help her with her “s” sound so that when she’s talking about “shows” people don’t think she’s talking about something else?

Can you also give me the energy to get up and go to the gym everyday so I don’t get a muffin top and there’s not more junk in my trunk?

I think that just about does it for now Santa. I know I’m asking for a lot here. I know you have to try to fulfill the wish lists of all the other mommy’s out there too. But, I’m sure our elf, Sweet Abigail, told you I’ve been a good girl this year. So, maybe you could move me up the list?

Thanks for listening Santa. I’m signing off now to try to finish the book I’ve been reading for two months now. Perhaps I’ll finish it before summer.

Merry Christmas!

-Kristina