POSTS TAGGED : mommy issues

App-sessed! How did our mothers ever survive?

App-sessed! How did our mothers ever survive?

Ok, I love a good organizational tool just as much as the next OCD mom, but I feel like every component of my children’s lives is connected to an app. I’ve had to become “app-sessed” if I want to know the latest information about their activities so I show up at practice when I’m supposed to and deliver orange slices to the soccer team on the right weekend. There are apps for each classroom, an app for the soccer team, and a group chat for scouts. I’m sure I’m missing one, but just know there are multiple groups with lots of people in them.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the fact that these apps allow me to connect with the people I need to, but it does get me wondering…how did our mothers ever survive? Forget about there not being apps 30 years ago, there weren’t even cell phones! Yet, I still got to where I needed to be at the right time and the soccer team had their orange slices on the right weekend. It was pure magic!

I remember my mom being part of a  “telephone tree” when information for school or an activity had to get out. The idea of a phone blast was not even a thought! My mom would actually pick up the phone to call someone to relay a message. I know…the horror.

Nine times out of ten they even picked up the phone since there was no caller ID. They couldn’t just let it go to voicemail to avoid having a conversation (not that anyone would ever do that these days). She actually gave up five minutes of her day to have a live conversation with another human being. Imagine!

There were no group texts to send out and get information. She didn’t have to worry about being part of a group text where everyone needed to text back the entire group to say that they not only got the message but to also say thank you five minutes later! I now turn off notifications because I don’t need twelve people saying “thank-you” at midnight. Yes, that’s happened and I’m sure many of you can relate.

Sure, I could choose to not download the apps and not join the groups. Then what? I wouldn’t know what’s going on in my children’s classrooms, I would overlap with someone else’s “orange slice weekend” and my kids would miss practice or worse, we would show up on the wrong day.

Call me crazy, but I would love to go back to the days of “telephone trees”. Granted, I may not answer the phone all the time, but one solid, informational phone call versus 20 text message sure sounds good about now. It was a much simpler time back then and things still got done and we all survived without our apps. Our “app-less” mothers still got it done, and probably better than we are today.

Is anyone else feeling “app-sessed” these days or is it just me?

 

 

Say Yes to Saying No

No.

You probably lose count when you think about how many times you say it to your kids on a daily basis.

But, how many times do you say it to other people when it comes to invitations, favors, or other things?

I’m waiting…

I hear the crickets.

If you’re like me, the answer is probably close to never. I don’t know if it’s a mom thing or just a “me” thing. But, I pray I’m not alone in this horrible habit of feeling like I have to yes to everyone for every thing. It really is a disease. It makes you tired to the point of downright exhaustion. It makes you feel as though you are letting people down if you say no. The truth is half the time they probably don’t care! In a way you’re letting yourself down because you’re not really happy.

Stop.

Yep, I said just stop.

Say yes to saying no. I’ve started to do it recently. Let me tell you, it’s almost as enjoyable as binge watching Lifetime movies. Before you start ripping down every invitation off your refrigerator, you need to take a step back.

Prioritize.

Take a look at the invitations or favors that you honestly want to accept or help people with. I think this is half the battle. Does your child have to go to every birthday she’s invited to? No. We know half the invitations come home because many schools have a rule that if you hand out one invitation in class you have to hand one out to 20 more…even to the kids whose names your child doesn’t even know! Just say no. Not to your child’s BFF, but to the child you didn’t even realize was in your son or daughter’s class. You just can’t make every party or every play date. If you do you’ll pass out and go broke at the same time!

The same is true with invitations you may get yourself. Although, honestly, your kids probably get more than you do, so you may not be saying no so much here! But still, you get my point. How about when someone asks you for a favor on a day when you may actually have a few hours to yourself…kid-free. What’s a momma to do? This probably has to be a case by case decision. Think about who’s asking. Think about what exactly they need, then decide. If you need to say no so you don’t feel overwhelmed, then do it. It doesn’t make you a horrible person. It makes you human.

For some reason we feel like we have to make everyone else happy before we make ourselves happy, no matter the cost. But if mommy is exhausted and stressed out, she’s more likely to lash out and yell more than she should. She’s more likely to eat more ice cream than she should and exercise a little less than she should. Am I right?

Life is too short to ignore your own happiness for the sake of everyone else’s.

Start saying yes to saying no.

You’ll thank yourself later.

 

 

Ditching the Diaper Bag

Carrying a diaper bag is just one of those things that go along with being a mom. Babies and kids are little but they sure require a lot of stuff just to take a ride to the grocery store. No matter how nicely you pack the bag, it becomes a hot mess in a matter of minutes!  It is the place where crumbs and baby wipes mix together, sticking to your lip gloss that you couldn’t find in months. Things go in and yet never come out. There just isn’t much more to say except for the fact that it is gross.

As time goes on, you wonder how you ever functioned without a bag that wasn’t half the size of your body. You also wonder when on God’s green earth you will be able to ditch the bag and feel like a real woman again. It’s amazing how much you really miss carrying a semi-normal sized bag. Then comes the day when you only need to throw in a pack of wipes and some fruit snacks.

No more diapers.

No more bottles.

No more binkies.

No more formula.

No more musical keys.

No more diaper cream.

You are free!!!! IMG_4048

This day came for me a couple of months ago. After nearly five years of carrying a diaper bag, I realized I didn’t need it anymore. My youngest daughter was potty trained. Both girls ate grown-up food. They could carry their own toys in some handy dandy backpacks. I no longer needed to be a walking nursery! Praise the Lord!

To say the feeling was liberating would be an understatement. I was so happy to get rid of that thing! As far as diaper bags go, mine wasn’t so bad, but it was still such a hassle. I much rather carry a larger sized pocket book and not look like Babies R Us!

Has anyone else ditched the diaper bag and felt the same way?

5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a SAHM

It’s the life of champagne wishes and caviar dreams. You’re a stay at home mom. You don’t have to listen to a boss. You can pretty much do what you want when you want. You have all the time in the world to devote to yourself and to your home.  You must be floating on freshly fluffed pillows every morning when you wake up and realize this is really your life.

Reality check.

You can’t remember the last time you had champagne. You have two little bosses who constantly nag you for stuff with a deadline of NOW. You can’t do whatever you want when you want because if you did you would have a weekly massage every Thursday afternoon after your manicure. Every day you notice some new cob web or area that really needs to be cleaned. You’ll get to it…one of these days. You can’t remember the last time you slept an entire night on your pillow all by yourself because one of your kids always ends up climbing into your bed. This is really your life.

Since I have been in the world of SAHM-dom for more than two years, I’ve come to realize the many misconceptions people still have about the lives we lead. I could honestly write a book. I, too, had many preconceived notions that I now laugh at. Silly, silly, me. With that said, I’ve come up with five things I wish I knew before becoming a SAHM.

1. You won’t be cooking meals that would make Rachel Ray jealous

“I can’t wait until I’m home so I can try new recipes.” Yep, I remember myself saying those very words. Well, chicken cutlets are still the “house special” and when I see a recipe with more than six ingredients, I still turn the page. If you were never a lover of the culinary arts, you won’t become one just because you have more time at home. The sooner you realize it, the happier you will be.

2. You’re not a circus; don’t try to entertain your kids like you are one

You can’t be “on” for your kids 24/7. This is something I still grapple with everyday. I feel guilty if I’m not doing something with them. That’s the reason I stayed home, right? It is alright to let them entertain themselves. In fact, it’s probably better for them. I’m learning this. You should too. Sure you can do stuff with them, but you don’t have to keep pulling out tricks from your hat.

3. Schedule “time off” for yourself every week

Just because you stay home doesn’t mean you can’t have time for yourself. You may not have the twenty minute car ride to work by yourself or a designated lunch break every day, but you can still have time off. The best way to do this when you’re a SAHM is to schedule it. It may sound silly, but I’ve found it’s the only thing that works. Find a time every week when you know you’ll most likely be able to find a sitter. Stick to that time as “your time”. Use it to do something for yourself. It may be hard, but anything worth having doesn’t come easy, right?

4. Have other interests besides your kids

Okay, so once you can schedule that “time off” you may want to use it to explore interests that are not for the five and under crowd. What did you like to do before you were “so and so’s mom”? Do it now. Maybe you want to try something new…a new workout, a new hobby, etc. The point here is while you’re always going to be “so and so’s mom” you’re also always going to be “you”.  Find your passion and explore it. You don’t have to stop following your dreams just because you decided to be a SAHM.

5. Accept your accomplishments as a SAHM and don’t try to compare

As a SAHM it is sometimes so hard to figure out what your accomplishments are on a daily basis. Some days the only thing to brag about is the fact that you got your kid to the potty before she peed her pants. It’s okay. It’s still an accomplishment. Don’t try to compare it to the promotion your friend got at work. If you do, you’re going to start feeling like crap. The truth is there are accomplishments to be proud of when you’re a SAHM. The moment when your daughter can write a letter on her own that you’ve practicing for weeks. The time when your little one realizes there is more than one color in the rainbow. Some may laugh. While these moments may not fill your bank account, they do make your heart overflow with joy.

I really think knowing these five little things would have made the transition to staying home a lot easier. Trust me, there are a lot more. Each day I am still learning how to make this situation work. Just like anything else, there are easy days and there are hard days.

For all the SAHMs reading this, what is your biggest piece of advice?

Missing the Target on Breastfeeding

If you’ve turned on a TV in the past few days or read anything online or in the paper, you know breastfeeding has been making headlines once again. This time they’re not talking about the benefits, but rather where and when a woman can feed her child in public. It’s all because of what happened at a Target down in Texas. A woman decided to nurse her fussy child in the women’s clothing section when a few workers asked her to go to a fitting room to finish. She says some others gave her dirty looks. She tried to explain to them that the law in Texas (and in many other states) allows women to breastfeed in public. She was so mad she called Target headquarters to complain about how she was treatred. I read that Target welcomes women to breastfeed in public areas of the store without being made to feel uncomfrtable. Target is now going to make sure all of its employees are aware of its policy. In support of her and other breastfeeding moms across the country, many women staged a “nurse-in” at Target stores.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love me some Target shopping, but what these workers did was so not cool. As a breastfeeding mom, it’s hard to schedule outings and errands around when you think your child may want to eat or around when you may have a “milkplosion” if you don’t let it all out. Like they say, when you gotta go, you gotta go. In this lady’s case, her child was hungry, plain and simple. I’m sure if she let her child scream people would have looked at her too because she was “that mom” with “that kid.” They would have wondered why she wasn’t doing something to keep her kid quiet.

Personally, I don’t breastfeed in public because I don’t feel comfortable doing it. I like sitting on my couch with my boppy and my baby. I supplement with formula because my baby eats a lot. This also allows me the luxury of being able to pop a bottle in her mouth if we’re out and she does get hungry. Women who breastfeed exclusively should be able to at anytime without feeling like a social outcast or for fear of making any man or woman, for that matter, feel uncomfortable. If the woman was standing in the store wearing a string bikini on the verge of having a Janet Jackson Superbowl wardrobe malfunction I wonder how many male employees would complain. Being the catty species we can be, I’m sure the female workers would still have some comments, myself included ! I feel for this Texas woman who was just being a good mom and really using her breasts for what they were intended for. It’s just sad that although we’ve come so far, so many people are still off target when it comes to breastfeeding.