POSTS TAGGED : parenting

Dealing with Mean Girls

We’ve all been there. Either you’ve been the target of a mean girl or you’ve been a mean girl yourself. It’s okay to admit it if you were a mean girl. I can honestly tell you I wasn’t one, but I certainly was one of their favorite targets. It doesn’t help when you have a mullet and purple-framed glasses…just saying.

As the mother of two girls, I knew dealing with mean girls was going to be part of the gig. I just didn’t realize it was going to happen so soon. My daughters are only five and almost three.

We were at a birthday party recently where a seven-year-old who was invited decided to play a game called “monster babies”. Apparently you choose which kids are the “monster babies” and you run away from them and don’t play with them. Great frickin game.  As you can probably guess, my girls along with a couple of others were the “monster babies”. That meant they were locked out of a couple of rooms while the non-monster babies yelled at them and played together.

I quickly realized what was happening and resisted the urge to deck the little ring leader. Instead I sat back to watch how my girls reacted. At first they played along, but only for a minute or so. Soon, my older daughter realized the real deal and called for her sister to come over so the two of them could play together…alone.

I was very proud that they didn’t run over to me and whine that no one was playing with them…not even the little girl who invited them to the party. She was too busy playing “monster babies”. My girls just did their own thing and had their own fun.

This dumb game went on for much of the party. As I was walking to the bathroom I saw them leave another little girl out. Tired of biting my tongue all afternoon, I told the little mastermind the other kids were not “monster babies”. I told her that was mean and that was a mean game she was playing. She just looked at me as she continued to play.

I know she didn’t care what I told her, but I felt better saying something. It’s funny because the rest of the parents thought it was a cute and funny game. No one said anything. Yeah, not so much for me.

I always tell my girls to include everyone, especially when there are some kids who may not know each other. I’ve had plenty of parties at my house with all kinds of kids. I can’t think of one time when some were purposely left out in the name of “fun”. Some people may think I overreacted because “kids will be kids”. I can tell you, you will never catch a game of “monster babies” in my house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Teaching the Value of Ten Dollars

Teaching the Value of Ten Dollars

As a parent, I hear “I want” and “Can I have?” more times than I can count. It is annoying. But, it goes along with the territory. Kids just don’t understand that I nor my wallet can give into every “I want”. I could say I want to, but honestly I don’t. Kids, mine included, need to learn that they can’t get everything they want or think they need. They don’t understand that mommy or daddy sometimes just doesn’t have the money. They don’t understand how much things really cost.

With that in mind, I decided to teach a real world lesson in money to my daughters, ages 2 1/2 and nearly 5. It all started when we went to empty their piggy banks and sort out some change. Mixed in with all the pennies and dimes, were a few dollars here and there. Of course they both asked if they could have their money. Instead of whisking it all away to their savings account, I decided to give them each ten dollars. I told them they could take that money and buy whatever they wanted when we went to Target that afternoon.

Of course our trip took us to the toy department. We started in the Barbie aisle. My older daughter was drawn to a Barbie wedding set, complete with the flower girl and all the trimmings. “Mommy, mommy, I’m gonna buy this.” I didn’t even have to look at the price tag to know that it wasn’t in her price range. At $39.99, I had to tell her no because she didn’t have enough money…that and several other items we thought we couldn’t live without.

So, we moved over to the Disney aisle. This is going to be fun, I thought. She ran over to the rather empty “Frozen” section. She just had to have the Elsa dress up costume. But, at $19.99, it wasn’t coming home with us. This went on for a good twenty minutes, with me explaining each time that there wasn’t enough money in her tiny hand to foot the bill. Sure, I could have thrown in a few bucks for the items that were close to her range, but then my little lesson would be for nothing.

My younger daughter didn’t grasp the concept of not having enough money despite the amount of times I told her. But, she did understand the idea when I said no. I watched her wait for her sister to choose something I would say yes to before she made her decision .

After going back and forth between the aisles enough times to make my head spin, I thought we were going home with a new Cinderella doll. It was under ten dollars, meaning my girls would have some money to put back in their banks. Then, my older daughter saw something she couldn’t go home without. I looked at it and shook my head. Really? You want that?

At $8.48, this was my kids' choice!

At $8.48, this was my kids’ choice!

It was a “FurReal Friends” dragon that walks. I looked at the price…$8.48 on clearance (regularly $16.99 which I thought was crazy for something so tiny!). That’s my girl, finally looking for the sale! Once I said yes, a huge smile spread across her face. Little sister chimed in with a “me too”. I explained that at that price they would still have money to put back in their piggy banks. This made them even happier.

We went to the cash register where they each paid separately, getting their own change, bag, and receipt. It truly was Christmas in July. They were happy. I was happy. I felt like I really did teach them a lesson. I doubt it will last years from now when they want cars, but I’ll savor my small victory for now.

Why Are Kids Being Left in Hot Cars?

There are a lot of things in this world that leave me speechless. Lately, the issue of leaving children in sweltering cars for hours at a time, all alone, tops my list. Just this week, I’ve heard of several cases where parents have left children of all ages in hot cars, some innocent, defenseless babies. During the month of June alone, six kids across the country died because someone left them in a stifling hot car. The latest case was in Connecticut where a 15-month-old died . They’re saying the dad forgot to drop him off at daycare and instead went to work only to return to this car to find his son still in the car seat.

I don’t know about you, but as a parent, I’m always aware that my kids are in the car. From the time they were babies, I would always hear some kind of noise from the backseat. Now that they are getting older, that noise is of course getting louder. When they are too quiet, I tend to turn around and check on them even more to make sure they are okay. That is why I can’t wrap my head around the idea that someone would forget their child was in the car, never mind actually leave their car with their child still inside. No matter how frazzled or pre-occupied you may be, I think you should always remember your kids are in the car. In my opinion there is no excuse for forgetting about them.

I can’t even imagine the torturous time these children must have in the car gasping for air as their fragile bodies overheat to the point of no return. The crying, the kicking, the screaming…the thoughts running through their little heads, wondering when or if their mommy or daddy is coming back. What a horrible death.  It truly makes me sick.

The not so funny thing in all of this is that in some cases, the parents are fully aware their kids are in the car. They simply leave them in there because it’s too much of a hassle to take them in and out. They think it’s so much better to just leave them in the car. What are you thinking? If your child is sleeping when you get to a store, you may just have to change your plans and try again later. You don’t leave them in the car sleeping while you run in to just get a couple of things!

Children are precious. They need to be taken care of, not neglected. When I hear of kids dying in hot cars because their parents “forgot”, I am reminded of the countless people out there who would do anything to have a child, or the ones who have lost a child for one reason or another and would do anything to have just one more second with them. There are so many people who take their children and being a parent for granted. Being a parent means being on your game 110% of the time. It’s not a part-time job or one you do when it’s convenient for you.  So please, can we start taking better care of our kids, and especially not leave them in hot cars?

 

Too Much Growing Up Going On

We all know kids grow up fast, yada yada yada. Of course there are the physical signs of pants getting shorter, shirts getting tighter and feet getting squished into sneakers like sausages, but it’s the other ones that really get you. I’m talking about signs of maturity that signal your babies are not babies anymore. The ones that maybe, just maybe, start to indicate they don’t need you as much as they once did. These are the ones that get a momma right in the gut.

My almost five-year-old daughter decided it would be cool to lay three of these little signals on me all in one day. Last week when it was time for her and her sister’s bath, you know, they one we’ve been taking religiously since she was born. The bath where they play with little rubber duckies and splash each other until there’s more water on the floor than in the tub. Yeah, that one. Well, out of the blue, my daughter asks me if she can take a shower instead. What? A shower? Grown-ups take showers, not my little babies! I just looked at her and asked why she wanted to do that. “Because I do.” That’s always a great answer. Before I could respond, little sister chimes in with a “me too”. Oh no, I’m out numbered, yet again. I stop and stare at them and ask why again. The litany of “please moms” start. Ahh!

I know, you’re probably asking what’s so wrong about letting them take a shower? Nothing at face value. But to me, it’s just shows they are growing up. They don’t need mom to scrub them down. It’s one more thing they can do on their one. It’s one more apron string that needs to be cut. Yeah for independence. So, I let them take their little shower, with some supervising to make sure they were actually getting clean. Of course they loved it. Afterwards, my daughter declares, “I’m not taking a bath anymore. I take showers now.” I know little sister is going along for the ride too. Ugh. I think a piece of my heart broke a little.

If that whole scenario wasn’t bad enough, later that night my daughter tells me she wants to sleepover her grandmother’s house. What? This coming from a child who hates sleepovers? Are you feeling alright? Stop growing already, will ya? The whole idea was born when I told her grandma was coming over to watch her and her sister the following night, the night after the first shower that was oh so wonderful. My daughter went on to tell me grandma would not be coming over; she and her sister were going to sleep over there instead. Of course I get a little “me too” in the background. I swear they’re like Thelma & Louise. Anyway, she told me to call daddy and grandma to check. With the joint “yes”, another little piece of my heart fell. What the heck is going on here? Where have my babies gone?

After declaring showers and sleepovers for all, my daughter also did something else that hasn’t been seen in my house for a very, very, very long time. She decided that would be a good night to sleep in her bed all night. When I woke up at 5:30 to go to the gym and released there was no wall between me and my husband, I panicked for a minute. Where was she? I got up and tiptoed down the hallway, took a peak in her room and saw her sound asleep. I hung around the doorway until I saw her back moving. Just needed to make sure, you know what I mean? Once I saw she was fine, I tiptoed back in disbelief.  Not too much love loss here on the growing up scale, but still it was the third blow to my momminess in less than 24 hours. This girl is relentless.

So, it’s been a week. We’ve successfully slept over grandma’s house, taken only showers, and slept in our own bed for a few nights (I still got her on this one!). I know these are only footprints on the path to growing up, but they don’t hurt any less. It’s great to see them grow, but sad at the same time. I’d like to keep my girls babies forever, minus the diapers and midnight feedings of course! Sigh.

 

I Survived My 1st Dance Recital

I’m quickly learning that being a parent means sometimes letting your kids do stuff you may not endorse one-hundred percent. For me and my nearly five-year-old daughtear that “stuff” involves dancing. This weekend she had her first dance recital.  I’ve heard all the recital horror stories and well, some of them are true. At nearly four and a half hours,  it is one of the longest things I have ever sat through.

My daughter was only in one number that lasted all of four minutes. Luckily (or not, depending on how you look at it) her dance was in the first act. That meant after her dance, we still had one full act and a half to go before the final bow. I could have cleaned my entire house during that time and probably stopped for a coffee. Instead, we stuck it out and supported our tiny dancer (cue the Elton John music). I just wish I was as smart as some other moms who came armed with a cooler full of snacks. My kids’ goldfish and fruit snacks only went so far seeing that I was there about an hour earlier than the rest of my family. I could have eaten my chair by the time it was all over.

Despite all of that, I never thought I’d say this, but it was really exciting to see my daughter up there on the stage dancing. She didn’t freeze. She didn’t cry. She just danced. While she was not perfect, I think she did pretty darn good seeing that this was her first time on stage and that she was the youngest and smallest one in the group. As I was watching, I felt mommy pride build up inside and I could feel the tears start to come to the surface. I didn’t cry, but I was pretty close! I was just so proud of her. It was just a little thing, but to her it was the world. After her dance, I went backstage. As soon as she saw me she yelled, “Mommy, mommy, I did it!” She was so proud of herself, which made me even prouder.

I was surprised at how emotional I was because I wasn’t 100% invested in this dance thing from the start even though my checkbook was. I was never a dancer and just never really got the fascination with the whole thing. I still don’t get why all the girls need to pile on the make-up to go on stage. My daughter had no blush, no eyeshadow, no lipstick, and her own eyelashes and she performed just fine. I guess I’m just not a true “dance mom” since I let my daughter go “au natural”.

As much as it kills me, I will let my daughter continue to dance (at least for awhile) if she really wants to. She looked forward to class every week and enjoyed the recital (most of it). I can’t take that away just because I’m not a dancing queen. For now, I’ll just have to deal with my dancing princess.

 

 

 

 

3-Step Summer Learning Plan

School’s out. Summer’s in. Time to trade in bed times for bicycles and ice cream trucks. Right? Yes, but it’s also time to try to do some summer learning. I know; I’m such an annoying mother. I should let them run free from morning until night and forget about learning anything important until school starts up again. But, if you know me at all, you know I’m a bit of a nerd and I’m proud of it. I like to learn. I like to create things. I like to read. I like to teach my kids things. Luckily, my kids like learning things too.

My older daughter starts Kindergarten in the fall while my younger daughter will start with her two mornings of pre-k. What could kids that age possible have to learn you may ask? Well, a lot if. We went to my daughter’s Kindergarten orientation last week and let me tell you, things have changed quite a bit in thirty years. Gone are the days of play kitchens and finger paints. They’ve been replaced with site words and writing. Little kids are certainly expected to know a lot at a young age. It is kinda sad that my kids will not be able to enjoy a lot of the fun things I did at their age. But, it seems our kids are being forced to be smarter and more competitive for when they become grown-ups.

I’m not putting my kids in some summer learning boot camp, but we will be doing daily exercises to get their brains moving. I put the little people in my head to work to devise a plan. They’ve come up with three steps for summer success:

1. ABC’s of Summer: My daughter’s school provided us with letter and number packets so she can learn to write. She’s already done the alphabet in pre-k and can write her name, but there are some letters that are still giving her problems. So, each day we will focus on one letter. I’m also going to ask her to come up with one word for each letter. I try to find summer related words, but sometimes that’s not the case. Hopefully, this will help when she starts to read on her own. As for my younger daughter, she likes her Leap Frog Letter Factory. She uses it to recognize letters and their sounds. It also makes her feel as though she’s doing something like her sister.

2. Counting the Days of Summer: We’re going to use the number packets provided to focus on one number each day. I’m also going to use the calendar so she recognizes double digit numbers. I’m thinking of also using some pieces of fruit to work on simple addition and subtraction.

3. R is for Reading: We always read books, but this summer I’m going to start concentrating on comprehension. I’m going to ask my older daughter some questions about the stories. As for my little one, we’ll look at the colors the different characters in the books are wearing so she can get that down.

That’s it? Yep, that’s it. I think my little plan is just enough. I can tell you it is already working. We are only four days in and my daughter asks me to do her letters and numbers. Getting her and her sister to sit down for a story is sometimes a little more challenging, but we’re working on it.

In order to pave the way to success, I try to do these lessons in the morning after breakfast. I also keep the whole lesson to fifteen to twenty minutes. I find my kids learn better in the morning. I also find I can really keep their attention for that amount of time. Anything past that and the ants start dancing in their pants. I know a lot of parents don’t have the luxury of sitting with their kids in the morning. But, I think this is something that can be done before or after dinner. It’s short enough that I think it can be done any time that works for you.

I’ll be curious to see how much we improve on our letters. numbers, and reading by the end of the summer. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, what do you do to keep your kids’ minds busy over the summer?

 

 

The First of Many Graduations

It may sound cliché, but time passes so quickly. That’s especially true once you start having kids. One day turns into one week, into one month, into one year which crashes into the next, creating a domino effect that has you shaking your head wondering where all the time has gone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately because my daughter graduates from pre-school this week. I know to some people it may seem so insignificant considering all of the other graduations and milestones that are yet to come, but to me, it’s a big deal. It signifies the fact that she is really growing up and I really can’t believe it.

I can remember the day she was born more clearly than what I ate for dinner last night. I can re-tell her delivery story up to the detail of what was on the television in the room at the time. I can remember her jet black hair (which has turned twenty shades lighter since then) and trying to figure out who she looked like more.

I remember her first ride in the car and how I thought I would never be able to drive around with her because I would have to be staring at her constantly. Yeah, I got over that one! I remember how I felt leaving her for the first time when I had to go back to work and how much I cried. Fast forward a few years to her first day of pre-school and how she felt when she had to leave me and how much she cried. Now, she hardly stops to give me a quick hug and kiss before settling into the classroom. It’s funny how time changes so much.

I’ve just been thinking about what the beginning of “big girl” school really means…for both of us. I think it’s going to be harder for me, lol! We all know kids are pretty resilient. It’s us parents who need to grow a thicker skin. There’s so much more to worry about once kids get to “big girl” school.  Truly, I don’t think I’m ready for Kindergarten! I just want to bottle her up and keep her tiny forever. I know she has to grow-up. But, it sucks.

To make matters worse, her Kindergarten orientation is scheduled a few hours after her graduation. Talk about hittin’ a momma hard. I’m gonna be one Lifetime movie away from a total crying fest. I’m sure it’s nothing some adult beverages can’t fix!

Growing up is hard to do…especially for parents. You just want to stop the clock. But, you can’t.  You just have to hit the “play” button without accidentally tapping “fast forward”.

 

 

 

 

 

What the Fork? Who Has a Potty Mouth?

It’s the moment any parent dreads. The moment when your child learns how to say a swear word. He or she may not be able to say their name all that well, but they sure know how to say “fork” like it’s second nature. Of course you laugh at first because you have no idea that the word or words are about to come out of that little mouth. But, after the shock, awe, and a few giggles you really need to squash it like a bug. But, what if you do and it still happens…repeatedly?

If you haven’t been able to guess, my little princess angels have learned some rather unlady like words. Does it make me a bad parent? No. Please say, no. It all started when I was driving one day and some jerk cut me off. Instead of calling him a jerk or something else that didn’t start with an “F”, I chose some other words that are not exactly in the Bible, if you know what I mean. All of a sudden, I hear an echo like there’s some kind of parakeet in the car. But, she wasn’t saying, “polly want a cracker?” Instead, she repeated my profanity in the sweetest little voice…and then laughed. She knew it was bad. She knew she shouldn’t say it. But, she did. Ooopsy…mommy made a boo boo.

I could lie and say that was the only time she ever said it. My two-year-old says it on occasion. My four-year-old, not so much. It’s the little one who has a little truck driver mouth. Of course I yell, of course I punish, but yet those words have not been erased from her ever growing vocabulary. Oopsy! All I can say is at least she uses it when it’s appropriate…like when the Target lady wouldn’t give her her toothpaste after she asked a few times. Thankfully the lady didn’t get what she was saying, but I knew all to well, and so did my little potty mouth toddler. Of course I yelled at her outside and told her I would run over her favorite teddy bear if she said it again. Of course she stopped saying it…for awhile. Of course she still says it now. Sigh.

So, what’s a mom to do besides watch every word that comes out of her mouth to make sure they are all “G” rated? I’m still working on that one. For right now I’m hoping this is just a phase. Really, I am.

 

Why I Like Waking Up at 5:30

Sleep. You don’t realize how much of it you really don’t need until you become a parent. The days of sleeping until ten in the morning have vanished along with the days you would wear tank tops to the club (without any jacket of course) in the middle of winter. Just as you would never think of wearing something sleeveless in ten degree weather, you also learn to function on less sleep. But, when you can get a little more, you take it, right? I guess so. That is, unless you’re me.

Many people think because I’m a SAHM, I roll out of bed just before the kids need to be awake to start my day. Truth be told, most days I wake up at 5:30…by choice. It’s kinda funny, because I used to have to get up at 3:30 when I had a pay-check giving type of job. I hated getting up early.But, now things are different. I look at my morning time as exactly that…mine. It is really the only decent chunk of time I have to myself all day until the kids are in bed. By that time, I just want to curl up with my DVR and go to bed.

I mainly wake up that early so I can hit the gym. I’m not doing it so I can look like some supermodel. I’m a realist. I’ve had two kids. I was never a size 2 before and I certainly won’t be now. I’ve got cellulite and some extra junk in the trunk, but it’s fine.  I enjoy going to the gym because of the way it makes me feel both physically and mentally. As I put my ear buds on and get going on the elliptical, I think about the day ahead and what I want to get done. I make a lot of mental notes, give myself some internal pep talks if something is bothering me, and most importantly, work out my frustrations. Sometimes that’s also when I also get some of my best writing ideas. It’s just an important time all around.

Once I get home and am showered, the kids are usually awake and I am ready to start my shift. Bring it on temper tantrums and whiny Caillou, I got this today.

But, because I am human, there are days I hit the snooze and choose my pillow over the treadmill. I can honestly tell you, those are the days I feel so crappy. Crappy because I didn’t do anything productive. Crappy because I didn’t have my alone time. Crappy because I have a shorter fuse with the kids. Crappy. Period.

So, call me crazy, I like waking up at 5:30. I dare you to try it for a week and see if you feel better because of it!

 

 

Am I Doing Enough?

As a mom, I often wonder, “Am I doing enough?”

Sure I carried both my children for nine months, nursed them until my nipples felt like they were going to fall off, woke up countless times a night only to put them back to sleep while I stayed up all night because I couldn’t finish my Adam Levine dream.

Sure, I cleaned all kinds of poop and other bodily fluids (still do that actually!).

Sure I deal with tantrums and countless sibling arguments over Barbies and other toys that make me wish I could just disappear at times.

Sure I quit my job to raise my kids. That saw the evaporation of regular conversation that doesn’t include figuring out if Sprout is showing a new Caillou or if it’s one we’ve seen too many times. It meant making so many other sacrifices too numerous to mention.

With all of that, why do I still question if I’m doing enough? Why do I wonder if I’m doing enough to make sure my kids are learning enough when they are home with me? Is my oldest writing her letters like other four year-olds? Can my youngest tell the difference between orange and yellow? Is she saying enough words? Am I taking them to do enough activities? Am I reading enough books?

Aahh!!! I could go on and on.

After thinking about it for a bit, I’ve come to a semi-conclusion. I’m sure some people may not like it, but I’m gonna throw it out there anyway.

Because I am a SAHM, and obviously spend a lot of time  at home,  I think I put more pressure on myself to make sure I am doing enough. Instead of getting things done in the house or going through some magazines (yeah right!), I feel as though I should be doing something with them or for them because I am home. This is my job, right?  Does anyone else feel this way?

I know when I was working I felt guilty that I wasn’t spending enough time with my daughter. But, I also knew I was working and contributing to the household income, which in turn was benefitting her. So it felt like it was enough.

There are so many days I just want to lay on the couch and get lost in my DVR shows while enjoying a cup of coffee while it is still hot. It’s not to say that my kids don’t know how to entertain themselves, because they do. There are times when I do “sneak” off to get something done or try to relax. I could probably do it more often, but I don’t. So sometimes I am my worst enemy. There, I fully admit it.

In the end, am I doing enough? Probably so.

Will I ever truly feel as though I am? Probably not.