DATE ARCHIVES : July 2012

Can You Survive Without Your Phone?

   I love my cell phone. There, I admit it. There are days when I wonder what I ever did without one. With that said, there are also days when I wish I didn’t have one and I wish other people didn’t have one either. I’m talking about times like in church when people’s phones go off and you wonder why they just didn’t turn them off. It must be God calling them. I mean there’s no other explanation, right?

   How about when you’re at the library for story time with your little one and another Mommy’s phone goes off. That’s always special. In this case, the librarian hit the pause button as everyone looked to see who forgot to put their phone on vibrate. You would think she would have turned it off and let the nice librarian finish her little story. Nope. After fishing for it at the bottom of her diaper bag, she told her child (and everyone else) she had to take the call. The poor little girl just sat there while Mom moved away to talk on the phone. Who knows what the call was about, maybe it was important. But, I couldn’t help but feel bad for that kid.

   The same thing happened when I took my daughter to her little play gym. We were having our circle time filled with songs and games when yet another phone went off. This momma took the phone out of her pocket and walked away to take the call, leaving her child alone in the circle. Again, I have no idea what the call was about. It could have been important as well. It just got me thinking. Have we become so connected that we are becoming disconnected with what’s going on in the present moment? Our Moms didn’t have phones attached to their hips when they took us places and they somehow survived. So, why can’t we?

  

Professional Booger Cleaner

   As a Mom we take on a bunch of different roles…cook, driver, entertainer, nurse, you name and we do it. Over the past two weeks I picked up another title…professional booger cleaner. Yep. I don’t know if I can ever put it on a resume, but it is a skill I have acquired and I have to say I’m pretty damn good at it.

   Let’s rewind about two weeks. My older daughter was jumping around and moving like Jagger and the next day she’s got a 102 fever and throwing up dinner. Good times. It doesn’t stop there. Day two we pick up a nose that runs worse than any leaky faucet you could imagine. Day three we acquire what sounds like a smoker’s cough. By day four, we’re on fire at 104 degrees with a little diarrhea thrown in just for fun. Here’s the best news of all…the doctor tells us it’s just a virus and there’s not much I can do but just wait it out. Well, while waiting it out, I manage to get sick for a couple of days,and my baby daughter gets sick too. She gets the runny nose and smoker’s cough with some pink eye thrown in for fun.

   During this whole time, I felt like someone on that show about people who have the dirtiest jobs. Mother should be thrown in there. I cleaned more boogers in 14 days than I think I have in my entire life. It’s amazing how much snot two little noses can carry. In case you were wondering, there is an art form to cleaning a child’s nose, since they can’t blow it like you or I. You have to be quick on the draw and swoop that tissue in as if you were Indiana Jones in the temple of doom. If you slow down you are in trouble and end up with one unhappy kid to say the least!

   After playing nurse to everyone in the family, including my husband, because of course he got sick too, you would think I would get some flowers or something. Nope, I get rewarded with a dose of pink eye myself. This is after already getting sick and feeling better. Totally not fair! But anyway, as I’m sitting in the doctor’s office filling out paperwork, I get to the part that says “occupation.” For one moment in time, I’m tempted to pencil in “professional booger cleaner.” But then I’d have to write vomit cleaner upper and diaper changer of the year! I opt for mom. That doesn’t even begin to describe all the hats I wear, but for now it will have to do!

The Wheels On the Car Go Round & Round…Until Someone Has to Pee

   If you have kids, you know vacations ain’t what they used to be. You can say goodbye to sleeping until a decent hour. A child’s body clock has no respect for the fact that you are on vacation. Accept it and move on. Forget about romantic, candlelight dinners that don’t include chicken nuggets and crayons. It’s not happening unless you have a sitter with you. Your table for two is now set for at least three. There’s no turning back now. Whether you travel by train, plane, or automobile, fasten your seat belts, it could be a bumpy ride!

   Seeing that I only have experienced travelling with kids by car, that’s what I’m going to talk about here.We recently went on a road trip with our two kids and a family with two kids of their own…all in one vehicle. Yes, I know, some of you may think we’re crazy, and maybe we are! In case you’re hitting the roadways this summer, here are some tips I picked up that could help make your ride a smoother one. Here we go…

1. Travel during the night when the kids are usually sleeping
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT travel during daylight hours. Even if you have to hook up a caffeine IV to your steering wheel, it is well worth travelling at night .

2. No matter how many videos you bring for that damn DVD player, it’s never enough
You’ll be watching Barney’s adventure until your face turns purple and Dora will still be exploring. Trust me.

3. If you buy a Happy Meal for one child in the car, buy one for all
Don’t worry if they won’t eat the apples or if the toy is stupid. Failing to do so will make an unhappy meal for all.

4. Children will have to pee every five miles even if they’ve had nothing to drink for an hour
They must be hardwired to do so. I really have no other explanation.

5. If you have a baby, he or she will pick your super long car ride to decide to poop like an adult
It won’t be pretty. Enough said.

6. You can not breastfeed your baby while he or she is in the car seat
Your body is not made that way and if it were you would be on the next Jerry Springer show.

7. Your car will look like it belongs on “Hoarders”
It will be packed with all kinds of crap. There will be crumbs and toys on the floor and the seat. There are also bound to be spots from some kind of spilled junk. That’s why there are car washes.

8. If you need gas and the kids are sleeping, ride it on “E” for as long as you can
There is a 100 percent chance one, if not all, will wake up pissed off once the vehicle comes to a stop.
Pretend you are Kramer from “Seinfeld” and you’re in that episode where he rides as long as he can without getting gas.

9. You will hear your name non-stop.
Don’t plan on relaxing or reading a book. It’s just not going to happen.

10. You will make some great memories.
Trust me here. After all is said and done, it really is a lot of fun ,despite the bumps in the road.

Happy Trails!