Professional Booger Cleaner

   As a Mom we take on a bunch of different roles…cook, driver, entertainer, nurse, you name and we do it. Over the past two weeks I picked up another title…professional booger cleaner. Yep. I don’t know if I can ever put it on a resume, but it is a skill I have acquired and I have to say I’m pretty damn good at it.

   Let’s rewind about two weeks. My older daughter was jumping around and moving like Jagger and the next day she’s got a 102 fever and throwing up dinner. Good times. It doesn’t stop there. Day two we pick up a nose that runs worse than any leaky faucet you could imagine. Day three we acquire what sounds like a smoker’s cough. By day four, we’re on fire at 104 degrees with a little diarrhea thrown in just for fun. Here’s the best news of all…the doctor tells us it’s just a virus and there’s not much I can do but just wait it out. Well, while waiting it out, I manage to get sick for a couple of days,and my baby daughter gets sick too. She gets the runny nose and smoker’s cough with some pink eye thrown in for fun.

   During this whole time, I felt like someone on that show about people who have the dirtiest jobs. Mother should be thrown in there. I cleaned more boogers in 14 days than I think I have in my entire life. It’s amazing how much snot two little noses can carry. In case you were wondering, there is an art form to cleaning a child’s nose, since they can’t blow it like you or I. You have to be quick on the draw and swoop that tissue in as if you were Indiana Jones in the temple of doom. If you slow down you are in trouble and end up with one unhappy kid to say the least!

   After playing nurse to everyone in the family, including my husband, because of course he got sick too, you would think I would get some flowers or something. Nope, I get rewarded with a dose of pink eye myself. This is after already getting sick and feeling better. Totally not fair! But anyway, as I’m sitting in the doctor’s office filling out paperwork, I get to the part that says “occupation.” For one moment in time, I’m tempted to pencil in “professional booger cleaner.” But then I’d have to write vomit cleaner upper and diaper changer of the year! I opt for mom. That doesn’t even begin to describe all the hats I wear, but for now it will have to do!

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