The Wheels On the Car Go Round & Round…Until Someone Has to Pee

   If you have kids, you know vacations ain’t what they used to be. You can say goodbye to sleeping until a decent hour. A child’s body clock has no respect for the fact that you are on vacation. Accept it and move on. Forget about romantic, candlelight dinners that don’t include chicken nuggets and crayons. It’s not happening unless you have a sitter with you. Your table for two is now set for at least three. There’s no turning back now. Whether you travel by train, plane, or automobile, fasten your seat belts, it could be a bumpy ride!

   Seeing that I only have experienced travelling with kids by car, that’s what I’m going to talk about here.We recently went on a road trip with our two kids and a family with two kids of their own…all in one vehicle. Yes, I know, some of you may think we’re crazy, and maybe we are! In case you’re hitting the roadways this summer, here are some tips I picked up that could help make your ride a smoother one. Here we go…

1. Travel during the night when the kids are usually sleeping
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT travel during daylight hours. Even if you have to hook up a caffeine IV to your steering wheel, it is well worth travelling at night .

2. No matter how many videos you bring for that damn DVD player, it’s never enough
You’ll be watching Barney’s adventure until your face turns purple and Dora will still be exploring. Trust me.

3. If you buy a Happy Meal for one child in the car, buy one for all
Don’t worry if they won’t eat the apples or if the toy is stupid. Failing to do so will make an unhappy meal for all.

4. Children will have to pee every five miles even if they’ve had nothing to drink for an hour
They must be hardwired to do so. I really have no other explanation.

5. If you have a baby, he or she will pick your super long car ride to decide to poop like an adult
It won’t be pretty. Enough said.

6. You can not breastfeed your baby while he or she is in the car seat
Your body is not made that way and if it were you would be on the next Jerry Springer show.

7. Your car will look like it belongs on “Hoarders”
It will be packed with all kinds of crap. There will be crumbs and toys on the floor and the seat. There are also bound to be spots from some kind of spilled junk. That’s why there are car washes.

8. If you need gas and the kids are sleeping, ride it on “E” for as long as you can
There is a 100 percent chance one, if not all, will wake up pissed off once the vehicle comes to a stop.
Pretend you are Kramer from “Seinfeld” and you’re in that episode where he rides as long as he can without getting gas.

9. You will hear your name non-stop.
Don’t plan on relaxing or reading a book. It’s just not going to happen.

10. You will make some great memories.
Trust me here. After all is said and done, it really is a lot of fun ,despite the bumps in the road.

Happy Trails!

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