“Look Mommy, this doll poops charms and surprises and real poop!”

Me: (rolling eyes) “Great.”

This exchange between my three-year-old daughter and I goes on more times than I care to mention. She is obsessed with dolls that poop…everything. Did you hear me? I said obsessed!!!

It all started one day when she was watching a video on my phone. Yes, my daughter occasionally watches videos on my phone. Don’t judge. Well, during an episodes, a box for one these “great” dolls pooped up…I mean popped up. From that point on, it was all over. She started to ask me to put the “poopy video” on.

Curious about her fascination, I had to watch. Basically, it’s some narrarator chick (who was probably never a mom) talking about how she’s feeding a baby. Then minutes later she gets excited about how “charming” her doll’s poop is. Sometimes it’s just a soiled diaper, other times she strikes gold. The narrator gets obnoxiously excited. Either way, I’m grossed out. My daughter is thoroughly amused.

Besides the videos, I don’t know where all this came from. Her older sister was never one for the poopy dolls. But, number two is. No pun intended. The funny thing is, she doesn’t even have one of these dolls. Why? You may ask. Because I just won’t buy one. I know dolls are for play and joy…blah blah blah…but I have a problem with a doll that poops charms, surprises, or anything else. Until diamonds and pearls start coming from my kids’ butts, you won’t see one of these dolls in my house. I won’t even buy the ones that actually give wet or “dirty” diapers. They’re just gross.

What I would like to see in one of these videos is for the doll to have an all-out blowout. Moms, you know what I’m talking about. One of those blowouts that goes up your baby’s back all the way to her neck. One of those blowouts that goes through every layer of clothing possible, but still manages to get on the car seat. If baby doll had one of these, I want to see how excited our narrator chick would truly be. I do know who would be happy. This girl right here. This would prove that these babies are real. No charms. No jewels. No stuffed animals. No cutesy poop. Just the real stuff.

I know the probability of this happening is slim to none. So, in the meantime, can we stop with the pooping baby dolls? Please!