The Mother of All Guilt Trips

Guilt. The dictionary describes it as “feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy”. Hmm…that’s a lot of fancy words…none of which my four-year-old understands. But, don’t underestimate her. She may not get the standard definition, but she sure knows how to make you feel guilty, or in four-year-old terms…poopy and sad.

Here’s the story…I recently went to visit a friend out of state to catch a concert. I know, such a horrible mother! My younger daughter was oblivious to my plans, but I wasn’t so lucky with her sister. You see, my older daughter could work for the FBI. Just like any child her age, she asks tons of questions and demands answers. She asks what we’re doing days before I even know. So, when she asked what we were doing on Thursday, I told her where I was going and that I wasn’t going to be back until the day after. Well, cue the dirty looks and inquisition. “Why do you have to go? Why are you coming home tomorrow? Where are you going to sleep?”…I could on and on. She didn’t like any of my answers. Fast forward to Thursday morning when she asked again what was going on, knowing full well the plans for the day. When I “refreshed” her memory…she said, and I quote, “Well, I’m not happy about that at all.” I admit, I laughed because I did not expect her to say that at all.

The time before I left was filled with plenty of tears and “mommy don’t go’s”. I felt like someone just handed me a one way ticket to mommy guilt island…minus the fruity drinks and tiny pink umbrellas. I truly did feel horrible and like I was doing something wrong. But then I thought, when was the last time I truly did something like this? Answer: A couple of years. I think I was overdue, but that still didn’t squash all the guilt I felt. So, after lots of hugs and plenty more tears, I left. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

Of course I checked in from time to time, only to find out there were several meltdowns while I was gone. I also got the phone call of tears and “I miss yous”. Of course I missed them too, but I was having a good time. I knew she and her sister were in capable hands and were going to be fine. I knew they were going to miss me, but I also knew they have to learn that mommy sometimes needs time away.

I thought a lot about how I was feeling during my drive alone…without twenty questions and constant arguing and whining. Why do a lot of us moms feel so guilty when we take time for ourselves? And by time, I don’t mean time to fold clothes or unload the dishwasher. I mean time away doing something fun. It’s pretty stinky if you ask me. I doubt many fathers feel this way if they go watch a game or play a round of golf. So, why do we? Maybe it’s something that goes along with having a uterus. Who knows? Whatever the case, I wish I didn’t always feel so darn guilty! Anyone else out there feel the same way or is it just me?

There were plenty of hugs and kisses when I got home. They missed me and I truly missed them. But, there’s nothing wrong with a little mommy time, even if does come with a complimentary guilt trip.

Trapper Keepers & A New School Year

Ever since I was a kid I’ve always loved the first day school. I loved the smell of new notebooks and pencils. I loved picking out new shoes for my school uniform and I really, really loved picking out a new Trapper Keeper. Yeah, I know I’m a weirdo. But, it’s the honest truth.

Besides the new Trapper Keeper and color coded folders, I think I’ve always liked a new school year because it signifies a beginning. Everyone gets a fresh start. There is the promise of something new. There is the anticipation and, of course, the fear of what lies ahead. There is so much to learn, so much to be discovered.

Although my school days are a part of history, I can still enjoy the start of a new school year vicariously through my children. I knew I had them for a reason! Even though my daughter is only in Pre-K and not yet fully invested in the whole school thing, I’m still excited.What can I say? I guess I’m still a bit of a nerd at heart.

I can’t wait to see all the projects she’s going to bring home. I can’t wait to hear about all the things she is going to learn.  I can’t wait to pack her little snacks. I could go on for days about all the things that I’m excited about, but you would probably fall asleep.

I always think of the beginning of the school year as a great time to start new things and new routines, no matter what age you are. It’s a great time to kick start a workout regime or maybe just work towards some type of personal goal. I know I have a lot of things in mind myself once I turn that calendar to September, which by the way is something else I love…switching the calendar to start a new month, but I digress. Anyway, I think you get the drift. This self-proclaimed nerd can’t wait for the start of the school year! Maybe I’ll even go out and buy myself a Trapper Keeper just for nostalgia 🙂

Girl Scores Big With Sofa Ads

As a mom, it’s really funny to see the types of things kids latch on to. Some kids like certain shows due to a specific character that grabs their attention. Others latch on to a catchy theme song, while others like commercials. I know my kids like those M&M commercials where the little pieces of colored chocolate sing. I have to admit they are pretty entertaining.

For one girl in the U.K., it wasn’t candy, but rather sofas that really got her going. Ten-year-old Amelia Howarth loves ads for ScS sofas. So, she decided to write to the company to let them know. Not only does she love the ads, she also apparently acts them out for her family. Talk about a fan! The company was nice enough not only to respond to her e-mail, but also to invite her family down for a behind the scenes look at how the ads are made. They even got to meet the little girl who appears in the ads Amelia loves so much. Amelia even got to share her ideas. How cool!

It’s really great to hear a company responding to a little girl so well. She will remember something like this her entire life. It just goes to show you that there are still some companies out there who care about their customers as well as kids.Who knows, maybe little Amelia will become the next big advertising executive thanks to all this attention and interest. And to think it all started with a commercial. Sometimes little things do lead to big things.

Sleep in Your Own %$!@# Bed

Before I became a parent, I swore on my Dunkin’ iced coffee that I would never allow my children to sleep in my bed. Ever. Well, maybe when they were sick. But, that was it. No other time would they ever be allowed into my sacred place. Fast forward a few years and a couple of kids later and you’ll see a regular visitor in my bed nearly every night.

I don’t know what it is, but my four-year-old loves my bed more than a Caillou marathon. If you knew my child, you would know that is saying a lot. The funny thing is, she never used to be that way. But, it seems as though she booked part of her summer vacation in our bed…with a one way ticket. She falls asleep in her own bed, but then there’s some mystery as to what happens in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, I hear the pitter patter of little feet down the hallway followed by someone climbing on my back to get right in the middle of the bed to find “her” spot. Within seconds she is fast asleep. I, on the other hand, am slightly annoyed and uncomfortable. Take this routine and multiply it by seven and you have my week.

Aggravated with the sleeping conditions in my house, I naturally turned to the internet to help. All of those baby sites must have some heavenly advice to get my child back in bed and me not clinging on to the edge of the bed like I’m going to fall off a cliff. Of course many of the “experts” say you just have to keep walking them back to their beds. Trust me, I’ve done that plenty of times. It only leads to a repeat performance an hour or so later and me drinking a gallon of coffee the next day. A real lose-lose if you ask me. Other sites suggested putting a sleeping bag along my bed so she is in the room but not attached to my back. I can tell you that would go over like throwing away all the Caillou videos in my house. So, that option is out the window. There was one suggestion that peaked my interest…the sleep fairy. I had never heard of this magical creature. I think she’s the tooth fairy’s third cousin. See, she leaves little gifts under kids’ pillows when they sleep in their beds the whole night. If you’re not in your bed, she can’t find you, thus you lose out. I really thought this would work. I told my daughter all about this wonderful fairy who was going to make all of our dreams come true. Her eyes lit up and I thought we were really onto something. After a couple of nights of still sleeping in our bed, she asked why the sleep fairy didn’t come and leave her a gift. I explained for the 100th time that she had to sleep in her bed for this gimmick to work. She said “oh” and finished her pretend picnic. Let me tell you, she could care less. The sleep fairy better find another house. Ugh.

My next step was to talk to the pediatrician during her yearly check-up. She also suggested the sleeping bag thing. When I told her that would never work, she suggested a sticker chart with a reward system. You see, I had been taking things away because my daughter wasn’t sleeping in her bed. I was told to try positive reinforcement instead. How about me booking a room at the Hyatt? That sounds pretty positive to me. So instead, I introduced the whole sticker chart thing with a tier of prizes. The first would be a trip to Nuvita for frozen yogurt. She loves that place so I thought this had to work. Well, a week later I have sheets of princess stickers, an empty calendar, and a craving for Nuvita. Ugh.

The doctor did say she would grow out of this. I mean how many 15 year-olds do you know who still sleep in their parent’s beds? So, I guess there is still hope. Until then, perhaps I have to bring the sleep fairy with us to Nuvita with stickers and a calendar for all of this to work.

Why You Need to Read This Blog

As a mom and blogger I read a lot of stuff online. Some things make me laugh. Some things make me cry. Some things I don’t even finish reading because they are a waste of my time. Then there are some things that become so stuck in my brain that it’s just crazy. Recently, a blog I read did just that.

A friend of mine shared a post by Rachel Martin about why being mom is enough. I have to admit I’ve read and wrote plenty of these kinds of posts so many times before that I almost glazed right over it. But that morning as I was scrolling down my Facebook page, I was thinking about life and how sometimes staying/working from home drives me nuts. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and am happy with my life as it is right now, but sometimes I look at my “to do” list and think how pathetic it looks. When you’re biggest decision of the day is whether to cook mac and cheese or chicken nuggets for lunch, you begin to reassess your life and your choices. I didn’t need an expensive college education for that, now did I? Unfortunately, society makes women think there is something wrong with us if we choose to “just be a mom”. With that said, I decided to click on this link. I am so glad I did.

As I was reading it, I felt like Rachel had been in my house watching my every move because it sounded like a scene right out of my day. From the morning routine to the almost pulling your hair out by noon, I thought Oh my God, this is me! Although you know other moms are going through the same stuff, on this day, it was especially comforting to read her words. I felt like she was actually talking to me, telling me to just chill out and be grateful. It’s okay to just be a mom.

Through all the hustle and bustle of the day, it’s so easy to forget the little things that make motherhood enjoyable. Reading books, playing outside, playing dolls…I think you get the idea. We get so caught up with trying to be some type of supermom, that we forget that these little things are really the big things.

So, although I may not be making life altering decisions all day, the time I spend just being a mom really is enough…even on the days when I think it’s not. That’s why I found this blog so uplifting. When you stay at home with your kids you don’t have a fancy project to be proud of at the end of the week or some big paycheck to cash, and that can become depressing at times. But, you do have lots of hugs and smiles that really do mean a lot more, even if we forget them at times.

If you’re a mom in need of some words of encouragement, check out this blog. You’ll thank me later.

I Love Birthdays

Every since I can remember I’ve loved birthdays. Whether it was mine or someone else’s, I loved everything about them. The cake, the gifts, the parties…there was just nothing bad about a birthday. Now that I have kids of my own, I love them even more. There’s just something about seeing a little face light up when all the spotlight is shining on them.

With that said, there’s also a lot of pressure to make their day as special as it can be. At least that’s the way I feel. Now that my older daughter gets the whole birthday thing, I don’t want to let her down. Truth be told, I don’t really think she cares what she eats or what she does. But for some reason, I do. So I made sure this year I asked her what she wanted to do and where she wanted to eat. Of course she picked her favorite restaurant…Texas Roadhouse. But, she surprised me when it came to what she wanted to do. I thought she would want to go somewhere different or do something different. But, she just wanted to play outside with her toys and ride her bike. Easy for me! Let me tell you, she was so happy. So, perhaps all that self imposed momma pressure was for nothing? Hmmm..

I noticed that she just liked the fact that it was her birthday. She kept telling everyone she was the birthday girl. Unfortunately at age four she gets the whole present thing and does look forward to certain things…like a doctor’s set. That’s all she’s been talking about for months now. I honestly think if she didn’t get that, there would have been some disappointment. Luckily though, mom and dad fulfilled that request.

I’m sure as she gets older the birthday requests will get more demanding and much more expensive. So, I think for now I’m going to enjoy just buying a doctor’s set and playing outside. I thought I would need to do so much more to make her day special, but sometimes simple is better.

The Strangest & Most Annoying Thing

As a mom, I always dream of having my free time. I mean really, what mom doesn’t? After hours of puzzles, coloring, and Barbies, I just want time to myself to do what I want without hearing “mommy”. Read, write, watch TV, nap (yeah right)…whatever it is, I want to be able to just do what I want. So why do I sometimes feel lost when I actually get it? Let me tell you, it is the strangest and most annoying thing.

Recently, I hit the “mommy lottery”. My oldest daughter decided she wanted to sleepover her grandmother’s house “just because” and my younger daughter fell asleep uncharacteristically early. My husband was still at work.OMG, hours of free time! You would think I would have been doing my happy dance. I was…for a few minutes. Then, the strangest and most annoying thing happened…I didn’t know what to do with myself. Although I had a list of things on my “to do list”, I couldn’t figure out what I should be doing. In fact, I actually felt like the house was too quiet! How odd is that? I often pray for peace and quiet. Here it was staring me in the face and I still wasn’t happy.

There are plenty of times when I either leave the kids with grandma or drop them off and go do things and I am fine with that. I just think the tranquility of the house got to me because this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. The norm is noise, laughing, screaming…chaos. As much as I complain about it, it’s the way it’s supposed to be with two kids. It’s the way I’ve gotten used to things. So any interruption in the routine kinda weirds me out, I guess.

Eventually, I got some writing done that night and put some laundry away. I have to admit, the night felt so much longer with so much quietness. I was actually looking forward to the morning when my little one would be awake and her sister would be home.

Maybe it’s a case of “be careful what you wish for” or “motherhood changes everything”. Whatever it was, it really was the strangest and most annoying thing.

Sister See, Sister Do

Seeing that I am an only child, my view on siblings is pretty much limited to what I saw on “Growing Pains” and all those other 80’s shows that I absolutely loved to watch growing up. Now, as the mother of two little girls, I get a front row seat of siblinghood, 24/7…unfiltered. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes it’s ugly, sometimes it’s annoying, but it’s always a case of “sister see, sister do.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not comparing my kids to monkeys with that analogy…okay, well, maybe sometimes. But, it really is amazing to see how much my younger daughter imitates her older sister. If big sis is done with her breakfast, so is little sis, even if she still has more than half a bowl of cereal left. If big sis grabs a Barbie to play with, little sis drops whatever she has and grabs a Barbie too. Even when big sis goes poop, little sis follows and keeps her company. Awww…how sweet! No, honestly, it’s just gross. Who wants to sit with someone while they poop? Anyone? That’s what I thought, but, I digress.

It’s also funny to see how my younger daughter reacts when her sister has a friend over to play. I can tell you that someone turns a little green with envy. While she plays along at times, she will also take toys from her sister’s playmate and point to her sister and say “mine”. It’s kinda cute, I guess!

While all the cutesy pooh stuff is great times two, the bad behavior is not. I also get a double scoop of couch jumping, ottoman standing, and goldfish crunching on my rug…just to name a few of the Olympic events that go on in my house.This stuff “times two” sucks twice as much in case you were wondering.

Since I never had a sibling I have no idea what the future holds as these girls get older. I can imagine there are going to be plenty of cat fights and plenty of slammed doors. I’m sure there will be plenty of “growing pains” too as our little games of “sister see, sister do” mature with age. I just hope they will remain “besties” and realize how lucky they are to have each other.

Dermagist Product Review & Giveaway

As a mom, I love to hit the spa. Maybe you didn’t hear me…I LOVE to hit the spa. But, with two little ones around my ankles, it’s not always easy to just get up and go find some Zen amidst the Barbies and teddy bears. So, I look for it anywhere I can get it. I tend to look for products that are quick and easy but can still get the job done. It may sound like something easy to find, but let me tell you, it’s not.

So, in my quest to find some tranquility in my life, I tried out the Dermagist Hydrating Spa System. It comes with hydropeutic body lotion, hydro-renewal hand cream, as well as foot and hand revitalizing cream (my fave by the way!). The hydropeutic body lotion is great for after the shower, especially during these summer months when skin tends to dry out due to sun exposure. The lotion glides on so easily and isn’t thick and nasty like some other over the counter stuff. It also has that “spa” smell, if you know what I mean. It’s that refreshing smell that just says relaxation. After using it for a month, I can honestly say I can feel a difference in my skin. It isn’t dry and yucky, not even in this summer weather. Bonus!

As far as the other products in the system go, the hand cream worked well too. I have to admit my hands were never dry or really in need of extra TLC, so I didn’t really see that much of a difference. But, it still smelled great and was also easy to apply.

Saving the best for last…the foot and hand revitalizing cream. Let’s focus on the feet, shall we? This cream was absolutely awesome for tired feet that have been flipping and flopping all day long in sandals. It really was a little slice of heaven to put it on at night while finally putting my feet up and catching up on my DVR. Once again, the smell brought on a feeling of relaxation. In the morning, I could notice a definite difference in how my feet felt. They felt rejuvenated. It really brought a smile to this momma’s face!

All in all, I would recommend using these products if you are looking for a light moisturizer that smells great and makes you feel like you are at the spa, without making your wallet feel like it is there too. They smell great and work great, so you can ask for much more.

Wouldn’t it be great to try these products out for free too? I thought you would say yes. So here’s how you can…

1. Go and like Dermagist on Facebook
2. Follow Dermagist on Pinterest

A couple of rules:
If you have previously won a Dermagist giveaway, you are not eligible for this one
This is open to U.S. & Canada residents only
Giveaway winner will be chosen on 7/15/13
Good Luck!

Put Down the Phone

Okay, so I am the first person to admit I love my phone. I love checking Facebook and Twitter a few times a day as well as my email. I love to text and google random stuff that comes to my head. Do I do it in front of my kids? Yes, although I try to keep it to a minimum. But, do I do it during story time with my kids or while I’m supposed to be watching them do an activity? No.

As a I grab my step stool to get up on my soap box for a few minutes I would like to thank the parents who inspired this blog post. Thank you to the moms who text and do whatever else on their phones at the library instead of watching their kids during story time. A big shout out to the moms who are sharing photos with each other during story time at Barnes & Noble. Sometimes they get  so chatty I can’t even pay attention to the story. I can just imagine how the kids do it. I don’t want to forget the parents at the beach who are too busy talking on their phones to realize their kids are going a little too close to the water’s edge.

Okay, so now that I’m comfy on my soap box I can tell you why all this stuff bothers me. I know I shouldn’t care, but I feel bad for the kids who are being ignored at the hands of technology. When I was growing up (oh God, I sound like my mom!) I didn’t have to compete with a phone for my parents’ attention. I feel like our kids have to do that sometimes. That makes me sad. Kids get excited over the littlest things. Every letter they learn and every leaf they pick up off the ground is a BIG deal. It’s too bad so many parents are so buried in their phones to even notice.

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I catch myself doing the same thing. Then I tell myself to put the phone away and just focus on my kids and the “now”. The “later” will be for the phone and all that other junk that takes up too much time already.

Okay, so I think you all get my point here. I wish they had an app to teach some parents how to pay closer attention to their kids! For the time being, let’s just put down the phone peeps…at least for our kids’!