POSTS TAGGED : SAHM

The Question Every SAHM Hates to Hear

When you’re a stay-at-home mom people pretty much know you spend a lot of time with your kids. If you stay home when they’re babies there’s a lot of diaper changes, feedings and sleepless nights. If you stay home when they’re a little older there’s more play time and child rearing going on.

As they get older they start making little friends and having playdates. As they enter pre-school and other programs, you may step back a bit and let other people do some of the work. But, what happens when all of your children are in school full-time? If you’re like me you start hearing the question every stay-at-home mom hates to hear.

“What are you going to do now?”

In just a few months, my youngest will be off to full-time Kindergarten. As a result both of my kids will be in school full time. It must mean I can now run off to a tropical island. Maybe it means that she and her sister will get to school by themselves, make their own food, and find rides to afterschool activities. It must mean my mothering role will become obsolete because everyone keeps asking me what I’m going to do. It’s not like they’re going off to college. It’s elementary school. The mothering responsibilities will still be there come September. They’re just going to shift a bit. I’ll shift along with them. That doesn’t necessarily mean I have a power point presentation about my future all cued up and ready to go. Does anybody?

Being a SAHM doesn’t mean your kids are your only interest. It only means that you made a choice that worked for you and your family. You made a tough decision and you probably made a lot of sacrifices. It would be like assuming all working mothers are only interested in their jobs. Working moms also made a choice that worked best for them and their families. Many also made a tough decision and made sacrifices of their own. Yet, I don’t hear working moms being asked what they’re going to do with themselves once all their kids are in school full-time.

Many SAHMs had successful careers they decided to put on hold before making the leap. Maybe it’s time to go back? Others have developed new interests…interests don’t involve diapers and rattles. Maybe it’s time to give those some attention? Sometimes it feels as though people can’t imagine what you could want to do with yourself when your role as a SAHM isn’t the main event anymore.

So, when people ask what I’m going to do now (or when September rolls around) I answer back with a simple “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.”

Why? Because I don’t and I will. Quite frankly I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Do you?

There’s something exciting, yet scary, when you know your life is about to take a huge right turn. Sometimes it’s better when that shift is unexpected. Knowing change is on the horizon can be intimidating. It doesn’t help when everyone wants to know how you’re going to deal with it all. But sometimes not having a plan is the best plan of all.

 

 

What Does it Mean to Have it All?

What Does it Mean to Have it All?

What does it mean for a woman to “have it all”? I guess it all depends on who you ask and what you read. I can tell you from what I’ve read and what society tells me, I do not, in fact, “have it all”. So, what’s a momma to do? Cry over it? Scramble to make up for all of the supposed deficiencies in her life? Maybe for some, but not for this gal.

Over the years, “having it all” has come to imply a woman has a successful career and family life and has everything in balance.

But, I think “having it all” has different meanings for all of us. There is no right or wrong definition. We all come from different walks in life that lead us to the common path of motherhood. For some, that common path does not include motherhood. You know what? That’s okay. You can still have it all. If you are happy and fulfilled in your life, you have it all.

For those of us whose lives do take us on the journey of motherhood, “having it all” can become a more complex game.

If you are a working mother who is fortunate enough to find reliable and affordable childcare and have happy children who adore you, you have it all.

If you are a stay-at-home mother to five kids or just one and find fulfillment in raising your children, you have it all.

If you are a mother who works part-time and makes it to every concert and soccer game, you have it all.

If you are a single mother who works two or three jobs and still has the energy to enjoy her blessings, you have it all.

The point I’m trying to make is that we can all “have it all” if we find the right combination that makes us happy and works for us rather than the scenario that works for society.

I’ve spent and wasted a lot of time trying to “have it all” by society’s standards. Let me tell you, it’s downright exhausting and depressing. You always feel as though one cup is half full no matter how many times you go back and refill it.

Guess what? I stopped. Instead, I started using my time and energy to focus on what works for my family, not for a friend’s or anyone else’s. Sure that meant, and still means, getting questions and strange looks. Part of having it all is being content and confident with what you have, not what others think you should have. Let me tell you, that is easier said than done. It’s still a work in progress. But, it gets easier with time as you become more comfortable with your decisions and who you are.

What makes me believe I “have it all”?

I have two incredible kids who always tell me they love me to the moon and back. I’m fortunate enough to be the first face my kids see when they wake up and the last one before they go to bed. I have a husband who supports me in whatever I do. I have a fantastic network of family and friends who are always there when I need them.  I’m able to pursue my passions and explore creative endeavors even when they don’t always work out.  I’m a happy person…except for when I get woken up.

So, to society who constantly tells me I don’t have it all…I beg to differ. I may not always have it together at all times, but I do have it all.

Why I’m Not Sending My Kids to Summer Camp

Why I’m Not Sending My Kids to Summer Camp

It’s summer. The kids are home from school. They’re around 24/7. It can get a little much at times. So, why not send them to summer camp?

Although I hate to answer a question with a question…why send them to summer camp?

Lately, people have been staring at me like I have three heads because I’m choosing not to send my kids to any type of summer camp. Call me crazy, but since I am blessed enough to be a SAHM and freelance writer without a 9-5 job, I don’t really find it’s necessary. Why spend extra money for someone else to play with my kids when I can just do it myself?

Don’t get me wrong, I think camps are a great resource and a necessity when you have both parents who are working all day long. Camps give the kids a chance to play outside, go places, and meet new friends. I know some SAHMs who are sending their kids to some half-day camps and such just to get them out of the house and break up the summer a bit. Since that’s all fine and dandy for them to send their kids to camp, why is it odd for me not to send mine?

Call me crazy, but I actually don’t mind when my kids are home…even during the summer 24/7. I like being able to go outside and play, take them to the beach, and just let them be kids. Before you think everything is rainbows and unicorns at my house, there have already been plenty of times when I’ve barked at my kids because they’ve just plain old gotten on my nerves. There’s been nights when they’ve gone to bed early because mommy needs a break or mommy needs to get a lot of work done. It just goes along with the territory. I’m no Mom-angel.

summer

But, there’s also been plenty of times when we’ve hung out at the beach with friends, splashed at the pool, and stayed outside eating those ice pops that leave your mouth different colors. We’re enjoying our summer…together. I know these days are numbered. Soon enough the thought of them hanging out with their mom at the beach all day will be anything but entertaining. So I’m soaking it in now.

I think as parents sometimes we’re so afraid of hearing, “mommy, I’m bored”, that we feel we need to schedule our kids wall to wall activities. I know it may sound strange, but let them get bored. That’s when their imagination can come out and play a bit. Let them be kids without a daily planner.

splashing

I’m sure there will come a day when my kids will need to go to camp for one reason or another and that’s fine. Until then, please don’t look at me like an alien for not wanting to send my kids to camp. For now, it’s Camp Mom 24/7 and I’m okay with that.

 

How Much Time Do You Spend Playing With Your Kids?

“Mommy, can you play with me?”

I hear these words either more times than I can count in one day or not any at all.

It’s weird.

Some days my kids, or more so my younger daughter, want to play with me 24/7, other days, they don’t even know my name.

It’s weird.

They like playing together, but sometimes they want me too.

There are days when I feel like I’ve spent all my time playing. That means I’m ignoring the clothes that need to be put away, the toilets that need to be scrubbed or the dishes that are whispering my name from the sink. I’m surprised those dishes aren’t screaming at me by now since it feels like I’ve been ignoring them for so long.

There are days when I can spend hours playing “Go Fish”, “Crazy 8’s”, Barbies, or even school. It still amazes me that my daughter wants to play school after being in school nearly all day, but she does.

We play.

They’re happy.

I’m happy too but sometimes I’m secretly twitching on the inside, thinking of all the things I probably should be doing rather then pretending I’m in a student in my daughter’s Kindergarten class.

I know there will be days when my kids will probably not want anything to do with me. So, I should cherish these days when they actually want to spend time with me. Right?

Then why do I feel like there are days where I’ve done nothing at all? Having only a few “Go Fish” wins under my belt and one beautifully dressed Barbie seems like anything but a productive day. At times, it feels like I’ve even wasted my day. There is still a list of chores that need to be done, articles that need to be written, e-mails that need to be answered, etc.

When these feelings start creeping up, I try a little game with my girls. I play something of their choice for awhile, praying it’s not school! After a half hour or so, they have to let Mommy do what she needs to do. This little pattern continues until I feel somewhat accomplished for the day. It’s all about finding balance, right?

I stay home with my girls so that I can spend extra time with them and help them as much as I can, but I don’t want to lose myself in the process. While it may sound a little selfish to some, I think those of you who are in the same boat know what I’m talking about.

So, how much time do you spend playing with your kids? How do you find a balance?

 

 

 

 

 

Finding the “Mommying”/Writing/Blogging Balance

Finding the “Mommying”/Writing/Blogging Balance

When people ask what I do my immediate response is, “I stay home with my kids.” But, besides wearing all the hats that being a stay-at-home mom requires, I also have more on my plate…blogging and writing. As a freelance writer, I take on as many decent writing assignments that I can find and am constantly look for the next interesting opportunity. Anyone out there who is a freelance writer knows how time consuming this is on its own. Try adding two kids to the mix and it can be downright impossible some days. There are days when I think working like a “normal person” would be easier for everyone involved. Then I remember all the things my kids and I can do because I stay home. This usually keeps me grounded. That, and my writing.

So, getting back to the writing. How do you become a successful blogger/writer while staying home with the kids? Well, if I had the perfect recipe, I would definitely share it with you! I don’t. What I do have are some answers that can make it work and make it rewarding while making you some cash in the process. After more than three years at this thing, I’ve come up with strategies and ways of getting it done. Check them out:

1. The older the kids, the better. I can tell you it helps immensely that my kids are older now…ages 3 and 5. No more bottles or diapers. No more picking things off the floor and eating them. No more trying to climb every piece of furniture in the house. No more midnight feedings, which means more sleep. Yes, they still need your attention, but you don’t need to have eyes in back of your head. So, if you can get them to play independently for thirty minutes or so, you can get some work done. I tell my girls that I need a little bit of time to write and that means quiet time. This means no screaming or fighting. If they’re good, then we play a game or do an activity together when I’m done.  Eight times out of ten this works! While I may not finish something I’m working on, the time I do get is better than nothing.

2. Write while they sleep. Although it’s great that my kids are older, it also means no more naptime. Naptimes were great to get things done, but not anymore. That means I wait until the kids are in bed. While I would love to veg out in front of the TV and get my Adam Levine fix on The Voice, there are many nights that that can’t happen if I want or need to get things done. Once the kids are sleeping, the second part of my day begins…blogging, writing, answering e-mails, etc. This is usually done till around 10:30. That’s when I get cozy in front of the TV and catch up on all my shows on DVR…that is until I fall asleep.

3. Set a schedule. I used to just write whenever I had some free time. If I had an assignment I would stay awake so I could get it done. That didn’t work. I was tired, cranky, and not a very nice mommy. So, I decided to buy a planner and map out what writing I wanted and needed to get done for the week. Seeing it on paper and designated to a day makes it easier and makes me feel more accomplished.

4. Ask for help. While it’s nice to be able to spend so much time with your kids, sometimes you need to ask for help…even when you don’t have a typical job. If you’re lucky enough to have a family member or a trusted babysitter, designate one afternoon or day a week when they will watch your child so you can get your work done uninterrupted. I did this more than a year ago and it has helped immensely. My kids know every Wednesday is Grandma day and Mommy’s writing day.

5. Put away the phone. This goes for “mommying” and writing. It’s one I still struggle with every day. For some reason, my phone has some weird hold over me…like if I don’t check me email, Facebook, or Twitter every hour or less I will miss something earth shattering. This obsession can be a major distraction while you’re writing. It’s also a big no-no when you are trying to spend time with your kids. I try to check it only a few times a day, but it’s so hard! I kinda wish I never got a smartphone. I never went online as much when it was just my laptop!

The main obstacle to writing and staying home with the kids is feeling like you are ignoring your kids while you’re trying to get your work done. You don’t want to plop them in front of a screen while you’re in front of yours. You need to find a balance that keeps the kids feeling like a priority and you feeling like you are getting your stuff done too. It’s definitely a work in progress!

If you work from home doing something else or are a blogger/writer, what do you do to strike a balance?

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Not a SAHM, I’m a Household CEO

After I had a child, I was labeled a “mom”.

When I worked, I was a “working mom” or a “WAHM” as all the cool kids call it.

Now that I don’t work out of the home, I’m a “stay-at-home mom”, otherwise known as a “SAHM”.

Or am I?

 

ceo

As I was recently writing another post about being a mom who doesn’t work outside the home, a little light bulb went on in my head.

I’m not a stay-at-home mom or a SAHM.

I am a “Household CEO”.

This position includes a slew of duties. Here are just a few:

I effectively lead “the organization”, A.K.A. my family, so that everyone can be as successful as possible, myself included.

I coordinate morning schedules so that everyone is up, fed, and dressed in time for school or any other place we need to go.

I strategically plan activities so that my children are well-rounded and educated, but not exhausted.

I try to create unique menus for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in hopes that something healthy lands on their plates. “Try” being the operative word here.

I interact with the CFO of the house to make sure I adhere to a budget. This means couponing and shopping methodically. Many times this also entails actually creating a budget. By the way, this is a talent and it’s not being “cheap”. It’s being economical and smart.

I teach my children the basics of life as well as educate them to supplement what they are learning in school.

Sometimes, I need to include the input of the Board of Directors (A.K.A my children). This is only done in dire situations. Sometimes the Board does not share the same vision of the organization. This is highly annoying.

I also try to instill values of the organization so that all members can be respectful and thrive.

Whew…I’m exhausted just making this list! I know there are so many other things I do, as do other woman who do not work outside of the home. I also understand that many mothers who do work outside the home do many, if not all of these things too.

I just feel that the”Household CEOs” are more often looked down upon because we are not bringing home a weekly paycheck. Many think we are uneducated and couldn’t possibly get a “real” job. Others think we are members of some elite group that lies around all day watching TV or getting our nails done. Both of these scenarios couldn’t be more unrealistic. If you stay at home to raise your children you should feel empowered, not ashamed.

Many women who have taken time off from their careers to solely raise their children fear the response they will receive when and if they return to the working world. What will prospective employers think about a three year professional gap? Are they going to think we were lazy?

Should we put down that we were stay-at-home moms? Will we be passed over if we do?

What about if we put down “Household CEO”? I’m sure many employers would laugh. Others might think of it as highly creative.

When it’s time to revamp my résumé, I think I’m opting for “Household CEO”. If someone finds it funny or stupid, then they’re obviously someone who doesn’t deserve my talents. I’m sure many others will see the skills used as a “Household CEO” are extremely useful in the working world.

What’s your take on all of this?

 

 

 

 

 

Do You Really Like Staying Home with Your Kids?

There are few things that really, truly eat away at me. I usually just brush them off with an eye roll or an internal “shut up.” Then there are the occasional comments that fester inside of me and make me question how people can be so rude. Maybe they just want to make conversation. But sometimes no conversation is better, you know what I mean? Truthfully, I don’t think people realize how their comments come of…or maybe they do.

Case and point…lately on numerous occasions, I’ve been asked, with squinting eyes and squishy foreheads “Do you really like staying home with your kids?” It would be okay if just one person asked, but when it becomes the topic of several conversations within a short span of time, I just get annoyed. Period. Especially when the tone takes on a sympathetic one implying that I must be some miserable soul because I don’t have a typical job.

So, how do I answer these enquiring minds? The short answer is, “Yes, I do really like staying home with them.”

The long answer is…Yes.

There are days when I wish Doc McStuffins would stop fixing her toys and Dora would realize maps don’t talk.

There are days and moments that I want to rip my hair out.

But, the same can be said when I was a working mother. So, no difference there. Staying home works for me and my family now. Will it in the future? Will I go back to work? I can’t give you that answer because I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t have a psychic friends’ network like Dionne Warwick to help me figure that out.

Perhaps instead of a simple, “yes”, I should fire back with questions like “Do you really like going to work everyday? Do you really like not seeing your kids all day?”

How rude, I know. But isn’t it rude to ask SAHMs the same types of questions?

I just don’t get what is so fascinating about a woman wanting to stay home to take care of her own children. I’m not turning back the clock on women’s equality because I chose to stay home. In fact, I think it is rather empowering. As a SAHM you are the CEO of your house. You schedule and pretty much pull all the strings. Sure you answer to whining co-workers (AKA your kids), but in the end you’re the MIC (Mom in Charge).Not too shabby.

 

 

 

Great Reads for SAHMs

I was recently cruising my news feed and I found several great reads for SAHMs. Sometimes you just need to hear someone else’s perspective! I’ve listed them all here if you want to check them out. Trust me, they’re worth the time! My favorite one is the one from Babble. How about you?

 

From the Huffington Post:

To The Employer Reviewing My Stay-at-Home Mom Résumé

From Modern Mom:

Are We Teaching our Daughters to Settle for Good Mom Jobs?

(This one really got me thinking. I don’t think anyone is “settling”. This is definitely a good read.)

From Babble:

Why Staying at Home is a Luxury for Your Spouse.

10 Reasons Why I Love Being a SAHM

It’s funny sometimes how certain twists and turns in life land you in a place you never thought you would be. I find this to be true as I navigate through this SAHM journey that I’m on. As I’ve said in previous posts, I never ever thought I would stay-at-home everyday, take my children to play dates, story times, plan educational activities throughout the day, etc. I thought I would work, someone would take care of my kids and I would just deal with them at night and on the weekends. Well, it’s mind-blowing how people so small could have such a powerful impact on my life.

After the birth of my first daughter, I worked. I was fortunate enough to have family members care for her. I did activities with her on the weekends and spent as much time as I could after work. Of course, I was still missing precious moments. It sucked.

During my maternity leave with my second daughter, I began to think about how wonderful it would be to be able to stay home with my kids. Truth be told, I felt like I was in a rut at work and something had to give. I was truly happy (though sleep-deprived) during my maternity leave and didn’t want it to end. Luckily, it didn’t. My husband and I figured things out so we could make it work. I am fortunate enough to say it has.

Sure, it has its ups and downs, just like every other job out there, but I can honestly say I am happy. Don’t get me wrong, I do my share of complaining and yelling. It’s sometimes not easy hanging out with people all day who think maps and monkeys can talk. It’s also hard to digest the fact that I don’t make my own money and don’t have a “real” job. In all reality, what I do everyday is a real job. It’s not easy to play cook, nurse, social worker, entertainer, chauffeur, and play arts & crafts guru all in one day.

As I hit the three year mark on this journey, I began to think about why I like doing what I’m doing. Here’s a short list:

1. Being home after school – Now that my daughter is in “big kid” school, it is so nice to pick her up and hear first hand about all she did and learned.

2. Playing & Teaching– It’s great to have the time to play Barbies, or do a puzzle, or play doctor’s office with my kids.  It’s also wonderful to carve out time to work on reading and writing. This is perhaps the best because this is when I feel like I am really making a difference.

3. Activities– Although we’re not into too many things yet, it’s nice to know I have the freedom to allow my kids to do certain activities (within reason).

4. Being able to pursue other passions– Someone used to tell me, “find your passion, and follow it”. Well, when you work full-time and have kids, that’s pretty impossible. But, when you don’t have to work a 9-5, there is extra time to pursue other interests. For that, I am grateful.

5. Avoiding the Saturday rush– Because I’m around during the week, I have the privilege of doing errands when stores and such are less crowded. Let me tell you, it is fantastic! I actually don’t go near a mall or store on a Saturday!

6. Appointments with ease– Just like avoiding the Saturday rush, it’s easy to make doctor’s appointments for the kids and for myself.

7. Summer– Sun & fun, need I say more?

8. Meeting up with other SAHMs– I’m lucky to have a couple of other friends who are also home with little ones. It’s nice to get together, let the kids play and have some adult time all at once.

9.Being home for the sickies & snow– Nothing is worse than leaving a child when he or she is sick. It is also no fun trying to figure out who will stay with that sick child if you can not. The same can be said for bad weather. There were no “snow days” where I used to work. I used to dread having to go out in the bad weather and figure out who could trudge over to watch the kids.

10. Being thrifty– I have never met a coupon I didn’t like. I love sales and discounts of any kind. Being a SAHM forces you to look for that extra deal and coupon. I know it sounds strange, but I get a little rush when I get a real good deal. I’m a nerd, I know.

So, there’s my little list. I know not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM, and I totally respect that. Trust me, I know where you’re coming from. For those of you who are SAHMs, what do you enjoy most? least?

 

Is Being a SAHM a Career Killer?

As a mother, we all worry about something…truthfully, a lot of things. Whether it is if our children are sleeping enough or whether they are eating enough vegetables, there is always something to worry about. Being a parent, we can also sometimes lose a part of ourselves. So much time and energy goes into raising kids that there is little or none leftover.

Since deciding to become a SAHM, there is something else I sometimes (ok, frequently) worry about. Am I sabotaging my career to be a full-time caregiver to our kids? Hmmm….I wish I knew the answer to this one.

In my past life, I was a TV news producer and a pretty darn good one at that, if I must say so myself. At some point, I do plan on returning to the working world. Doing what? I really couldn’t tell you. At that point, will prospective employers look at me and wonder what the heck I did for the past “x” amount of years or will they respect the decision? Hmmm…I wonder.  I fear that many may think I just quit and took the “easy way out”. Anyone who knows anything about being a SAHM knows that is certainly not the case. Nevertheless, I still try to do as much freelance work as possible so I can keep my head in the game and avoid any huge holes in my resume.

I am extremely grateful for the opportunity I have to spend as much time as I do with my girls. I know there are a lot of women out there who would kill for it. I also know a lot of women who wouldn’t and that’s okay. Different strokes for different folks! But I can tell you that I love when my girls learn something that I exclusively taught them. I love the fact that I can take them to certain activities that I wouldn’t be able to do if I was working. I love that we can sleep in during the summer if we choose. The list goes on and on, but I think you get my point. There are many benefits to being a SAHM.

There are also a lot of skills us mommas use daily that can be extremely beneficial in any working environment. From incredible multi-tasker to problem solver to activity planner…we do it all. I think we are better qualified for certain jobs than some people in them right now. The problem is not all employers see it that way. Many still see us as simple homemakers who spend all day changing diapers, doing laundry, and cooking.

Do you think being a SAHM is a career killer? Were you a SAHM who went back to work? I’m curious to find out!