AUTHOR ARCHIVES :

A Mother of a Day

  As a mother there are days, and then there are days with your children. You know those days. The ones that have you ready to tweeze every hair out of your head or go play in traffic or maybe tweeze every hair while playing in traffic. Whatever the case may be, kids can trade their halos for horns in a millisecond and drive you insane.

  So, what kind of things would make you want to buy a one way ticket to Zimbabwe? Let’s see. For starters, your kid saying she has to pee everywhere you go although she has had nothing to drink for awhile. Then, when you get to the bathroom, she simply says no and walks away. Deep breath. Perhaps, it’s having your baby contort her body as she desperately tries to free herself from her stroller as if she’s possessed. Did I mention this is happening at the mall where you just wanted to buy one thing but end up leaving because you’re so annoyed?

  Wait, there’s more. How about having one child lick the wall, while the other uses your floor as a teething ring? Or one of my faves, having a bottle of water poured on the floor just for the hell of it. Then there’s the constant fighting over toys between one child who says everything is hers and another who can’t tell the other one to stop. Don’t forget the projectile vomit all over your arm and hands and in the crevice of your rings. That may be my fave.

  All of this can really make you want to curl up in a fetal position and just hide. But you can’t. You’re the momma. All of this craziness comes with the territory, like it or not. They’re just kids, but it can still drive you nuts. Maybe that’s why there’s one whole day dedicated to us for what we deal with the other 364.Happy Mother’s Day!
 

UPrinting.com Giveaway!

We all have those special photos and pictures we’d like to showcase in a special way. What a better way then with a canvas print. I’m taking part in a giveaway with UPrinting.com and you can too. UPrinting.com has lots of options when it comes to Canvas Prints including a very cool rolled out canvas that takes only one day to print! They’re great for your home or to give as a gift. Scroll down to find out how to enter to win a free one.

Prize Information

16″ x 20″ Rolled Canvas Print for one winner
With 2″ border or No border
1 Business day print turnaround time
Free US shipping only
Restrictions:

1. This giveaway is open to US residents only, 18 years old and above.
2. No prize substitutions allowed.
3. Winners are allowed to win once over a six-month period.
4. Only email addresses used for the giveaway will be eligible to claim the prize.
Disclaimer
“You should assume that I will receive free print products in exchange for the post. Any and all reviews posted are based solely on my own experience and may be atypical. Please practice due diligence in making any related purchase decisions.”
To Enter:
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Deadline : May 3, 2012

What if Babies Were Born With Teeth?

   Okay, so if you’ve ever gone through labor, the thought of a baby being born with teeth is enough to make you want to curl up in a fetal position. But, as a mother dealing with a teething baby, I have to tell you, it may not be as bad as what I am dealing with now. It may sound twisted, but when you are woken up four times a night, within six hours a few nights a week, your mind darts into some dark places. This is one of them.

  So, what if babies were born with teeth? First and foremost, breastfeeding may be a challenge to say the least. My cut off for breastfeeding is when a tooth pops up. You can’t rip a nip. Enough said. If babies had teeth, maybe they could eat real food sooner. It’s not like you would serve a t-bone for his first meal, but it would be nice to offer something substantial.

  If babies were born with teeth, there would be no use for those dumb teething rings.  They never really worked for my kids. My first child would keep it in her mouth for a few seconds then throw it on the ground. My six month old wears it as a bracelet now after she puts it in her mouth for awhile. At least the girl can accessorize. Another thing…without teething rings, you would have to find another cheap basket stuffer for all those baby showers.

   If babies were born with teeth, there would also be no use for baby Orajel. Another useless product in my book. I always end up getting the gel on their tongues or lips and they scream even more because now they can’t feel anything except for something ripping their gums apart.

   No one said teething was fun. The poor babies are just downright miserable and so are the parents. So since babies are not born with teeth I raise my third cup of coffee to more sleepless nights, crying, drooling, and fussiness. And that’s just me! One thing is for sure. Teething really bites.

The Good, The Bad, and The Potty

   A few months back I wrote about the trials of potty training my oldest daughter. A few accidents and several loads of laundry later, I am happy to say ciao ciao to the diapers and hello to our new BFF Mrs. Potty. That’s the good part, along with saving a few bucks each month. But, before I toilet paper the bathroom in celebration, I have to admit sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. I know, I know, I’m never happy.

   Here’s the bad part. I can now say I’ve been to just about every bathroom just about everywhere you can think of. Stores, restaurants, even hospitals. If I’m having a really good day, I get to see them a few times during each visit. I know, don’t be jealous. One time while we were eating out, I heard “mommy, pee pee”, a total of four times. I spent more time in the bathroom than at the table! Two of those times were false alarms though. Nevertheless, you can never be so sure. Another time we were at a place where the bathrooms were up a narrow hallway. After our third trip, I told her to just go in her pull-up. I know, I know, bad mommy. But, she wouldn’t. Good girl, I guess. Needless to say that was my workout for the day.

   Our new thing though is to go into a public bathroom, check out the toilet, and then shake our head in disgust and walk out. I can’t really tell if she had to go in the first place or is writing a book about the best and worst toilets. I hope she’s not on a path of becoming one of those people who can only go to the bathroom at home. Boy will we be in trouble!

   It really is a love-hate relationship with the good old potty. She loves it and sometimes I hate to take her. But, there’s no turning back now.

Help! I Don’t Wanna Dress Like a Mommy

   Okay, so with Spring here, I decided to venture out and do some shopping for the season. See, I’ve been pregnant two out of the four past Springs/Summers and really don’t have much that isn’t a) fit for a hippopotamus or b) out of style. Armed with my thirty percent Kohl’s discount and some gift cards, I was pumped and so ready to get out of my t-shirt and yoga pants, no matter how comfy they are.

   Yeah, just one problem…where do I start? There were some fun tanks with sequins. Nope, too dressy for spit-up and poop, although they’d make me look hot. What about the Dockers collection? Try, not on your life for $100, Alex. Nope, just can’t do it. Oooh…look at the fun party dresses. They’re really cute. But, where am I going to wear those? To my daughter’s tea parties? Nope and too gosh darn bad, because they’re really pretty.

   Don’t look over there. Don’t you dare. New T-shirts!! Nope, promised I wouldn’t do it. But, what about the patterned tanks? Hmmm…They say fun and casual, without going crazy. They’ll probably get spit on, but oh well. We’ll get two. We’re making some progress. What now? Jeans? There are some really cute ones, but they may give me a muffin top. And oh no, there are the “mom jeans”. Ahh…flashback to a couple of weeks ago where I saw a woman with those on and some white leather Reebok to top it off. Put me on a sit and spin with pine needles. Won’t do it. But, what the heck am I supposed to wear to go do errands, go on play dates, and hang out in the house? T-shirt and yoga pants, right? I mean the pants do make my butt look good. But, I gotta get out of the slump, ya know?

   Okay, so I compromised with some shirts that have some cute ruffles for the days I do errands. I picked up the patterned tanks for the days we hang out and do play dates…they do look fab under my little hoodies and will be great in the summer. I decided to wait a while for some new bottoms. Maybe I can shrink the muffin top to just a munchkin. The good news… no more yoga pants or plain t-shirts ended up in my car as tempting as it was. The bad news…no really cool clothes found a new home in my closet either. So, I was kinda bummed about that one. I swear they need to have a section called “you’re no longer in maternity clothes woman, this is what ladies wear today.” Yeah, I know I’m dreaming. Until that happens I just know I don’t want to dress like a mommy!
  

What Do You Do All Day?

   Okay, so ever since I became a stay at home mom, a lot of people have been asking me what I do all day with these two kids. I have to admit before I joined the SAHM club I wondered the same. I would often ask my mommy friends. Now I know how they felt! I know everyone’s day is structured differently, but I think a lot of us do the same things and run in the same circles. It’s inevitable.

   I really try to start my day at the gym. The goal is to get my butt there three mornings a week including a 5:45 a.m. spin class. That has happened once. But, I can though usually get there for a half hour workout and then back home in time to shower and to start the day. Once the kiddies wake up, the real fun begins. If I’m lucky I get to kick things off with a daily breakfast brawl with my two and a-half year old. She hates anything that has to do with the most important meal of the day. If I’m lucky I can get her to eat a piece of toast or an Eggo. As for the baby, we’ve moved on to cereal and fruit. I pray she does not take after her sister!

   So now what? How do I entertain these girls ALL day long? No, I don’t hire a circus. I try to define each day with an activity. Some days we go to story time at the library. Other days it’s the play gym. A good day includes a play date. When they’re really lucky they get to run errands with Mommy! My older daughter loves Target and “Shop Shop” as she so lovingly calls Stop & Shop. Then there’s play time at home which includes puzzles, blocks, dolls, and anything else that magically appears in my living room, kitchen, etc. Don’t forget ABC learning time with the Leap Frog letters. When Mommy has had her full load of caffeine there are dance parties. My girls have “Moves Like Jagger” I’ll have you know! Now that the weather is getting warmer, we’ll be movin’ it outside. Nothing like some fresh air to tire those kids out!

   That brings us to naps, that is if I’m lucky. The baby is a given, but my older one hates to sleep so it’s a real gamble. In this casino, the house actually loses! When that happens, it’s quality DVD time with either Barney, The Wiggles or Elmo. This is Mommy’s down time to get some chores done, make some calls, and of course check Facebook, Twitter and a few other sites. OK, we all know that happens more than once a day!

   If all this activity is not enough, there’s still the evening. My kids are really not down with DBB…that’s dinner, bath, and bed for all of you who don’t know. Dinner and bath are usually good. It’s just bed time which is the real chore. We are slowly working to get out of some bad habits. But, that’s a whole other blog! Once they’re off to sleep land, it’s time to chill with the hubs and catch up on the DVR, but more often than not, the sandman buries my TV time.

   So, this is what I typically do all day. Glamorous? No. Boring? Sometimes. Rewarding? Definitely.   

 

Dear Sleep,

Dear Sleep,
   You and I have had a rocky relationship these past few weeks. Was it something I said or did? We used to be BFFs. I know, I know, the two little ones are really cramping our style these days. Whah, whah, whah…Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. It’s the “Sleepless Symphony No. 5” that keeps playing in this house. I know. If it’s not one, it’s the other these days. But that doesn’t mean it has to be the end of us.
   Can you help me get them to bed and stay there? The little one is just a baby, so maybe we can give her a pass. But still, up every hour and a half? Give Momma a break! The only ones who are making out in this are Dunkin’ and Starbucks. Momma tired! Hopefully the babe will find a new love for her cereal and then she can sleep for a few more hours. The tot is pretty consistent with her 3 a.m. cries for Mommy or Daddy. God help us if we don’t answer them! She takes matters into her own hands. She runs down the hallway and comes right into our room. She usually gets an escort back to her bed, but sometimes we just can’t take it! We’re so tired, she just ends up with us. Pipe down anti co-sleepers. I’m one of you too, but sometimes you have to pick your battles, ya know what I mean?
   I can’t remember when you and I bonded for eight straight hours, can you? It would be nice to cozy up and dream of Jon Bon Jovi just like the old days without anyone crying and interrupting just before I get to go on stage and get serenaded with “Bed of Roses”. Ahhhh…
   From what I hear, we are not going to really be able to hang out like the old days for another 18 years! OMG! In the meantime, can you promise me one thing? Can we hang out as much as we can and really cherish whatever time together we have? I miss u lots!
    Love,
   A Very Sleep Deprived Kristina

A is for Apple, B is for…

   Parents get so excited when they hear their kids say new words. I have to say every time my two-and-a-half year old says something new I feel like Albert Einstein’s momma. Wow, she’s getting so smart I tell myself. She must really be listening to everything I am telling her. She’s such a little sponge! Actually these days, she’s more of a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser because she’s grasping words I am not even directing towards her too. Oh yes, ladies and gentlemen we’ve come to the point where I am spelling out words so she can’t figure out what I am saying. It’s all because she now says boob. Not just boob, but boobie, and of course, because you can’t have one without the other, the plural… boobies. When she first said it I thought I was hearing things. So I asked, “What did you just say?” “Boob, momma.” Yep, that’s what I thought.

 It’s not like we go around the house saying the word, but, I am sure she has heard it so many times when we are talking about breastfeeding. Sorry, but we don’t say breast, we say boob. It’s better than using the “T” word, don’t ya think? Nevertheless, I don’t want her going around pointing to a woman’s chest and saying boob all the time. The sad thing is she sounds so funny when she says it. I bite my tongue so I don’t laugh. Yes, there is a 12-year-old boy trapped inside of me! But, if you hear her say it, which I hope you won’t, you would laugh too!

   It doesn’t stop there. She not only says the word, but knows what they are used for. She’ll say boobies, then takes her Abby Caddabby doll and proceed to breastfeed her. In case you didn’t know, fairies in training like breast milk, remember that. In any case, I guess she could be saying worse things. But, sometimes I feel like a “boob” for saying it around her in the first place!

You’re a What?

   “You’re a teacher, wow, that’s great you help kids.” “Wow, you’re a nurse. That’s nice, you help people.”  “You’re a lawyer. That must be a tough job.” “You’re a what? A stay-at-home mom?” Silence.
Wait for it, wait for it…”are you okay with that?”

   It’s been really interesting to hear people’s responses to my decision to become a stay-at-home mom. While the majority have been positive, there are many who feel the need to continually ask me if I’m alright with the situation. They look at me with sympathetic eyes, like someone died or something. They feel the need to tell me that being a stay-at-home mom is a whole new world (cue the music, minus Alladin, mind you). Well, yes, Sherlock, it is a whole new world, but having a child does that to you whether you stay at home or not. I am constantly asked if I miss work. I constantly say I miss the people, but not necessarily the work. It was time for a change and there is a time for everything, simply put.

  Every time one of these conversations happens I think to myself, would you say these kinds of things to me if I was a doctor? You and I both know the answer. Sometimes I feel like I get scrutinized more for staying at home then if I went to work and put my kids in day care all day.  It’s kinda sad that we’ve come to that in the wonderful U-S-of-A.

  While many have had their share of criticism, one person said something to me that’s really stuck with me. Someone recently told me they admire me for my decision and for what I’m doing. Admire me? I get spit up on and peed on constantly, and if I’m lucky I get to stick my hand in poop once or twice a week. I spend a lot of time reading board books, playing with dolls, and finding kid-friendly activities. I usually have to cut  phone conversations short because someone starts to scream for attention. Sometimes going out means going to WalMart for diapers. In between I’ll clean something or put some clothes away. Glamorous, I know. I guess I never thought of all of that as something to be admired. Tiring, yes. Admirable, no. But, from the outside looking in, maybe it is. I have to say that during all my “working” years, no one ever told me they admired me for the job I did. Maybe, that’s why it came as such a shock!

   So, this “new world” is one that never sleeps. It’s one that can be thankless at times, but hopefully rewarding in the long run. So, maybe there is something there to be admired. Who knew?

Here We Grow Again

   Capri pants in winter? No, it’s just what it looks like these days since my two-and-a-half-year-old had some kind of growth spurt. Some of her shirts also look like she has the 3/4 length sleeve thing going on too, but she doesn’t. Mom just hasn’t been able to keep up. As for the nearly four month old, she’s also starting to bust out of her clothes. I know when it’s time to retire a onesie when I can’t get her head to squeeze through the hole and when she gives me that look like “mom, you ‘re seriously going to try to pour me into this outfit?” Yeah, I know, they’re growing.

  It’s not just the clothes. It just seems like lately there is so much more “growing on” in my house. The baby just started to roll over. She was on the verge for days last week. She was trying and pushing but always got stuck on the last hurdle. Then one day my mom came over and that’s when the baby decided to roll over during the two minutes I went to the bathroom. Seriously? Yep, just can’t make this stuff up. I know kids have the worst timing, but come on, give a momma a break! Then there’s the issue of her bassinet and her one-way ticket to her new room.Okay, who are we kidding, we all know it’s round trip! I knew the transition to her crib was coming. It was pretty obvious when one morning I woke up and she turned herself horizontally and had her legs rested up on the side like she was lounging at Club Med. So, this week (or maybe next), the big move down the hall begins. It’s just another sign she’s growing up.

   My little spunky now two-and-a-half year old surprises me everyday. She’s busting out new words all the time. I wonder if she’s reading the encyclopedia before bedtime. Wait, we don’t have any encyclopedias! I’ve also noticed she’s much more of a sponge than she was before. She remembers every little thing. Nothing is getting past her. Now, we’re also at the point where we have to watch our mouths. I’m afraid one day she’s just going to start singing a litany of profanities she’s heard throughout her little life. Oops! Mommy and Daddy can have a potty mouth at times!

   There’s also the issue of pre-school. I’m excited for her to go and explore new things and meet new friends, but that just means she’s growing up. A letter came the other day for an open house for the pre-school we’re thinking of sending her to in the fall. As I was opening it, I got a little sad to think that we are inching towards that point. Don’t even come talk to me when she goes to Kindergarten. Although by that point with the two of them, I may be ready for it too!

   I know it’s cliche, but kids really do grow up so fast, which means we are also getting older. Ugh. I looked in the mirror the other day and thought to myself, wow, I’m “X” years old and I have two kids, and all the responsibilities that go along with my mortgage coupon book. When did that happen? What happened to that girl who could go out every night of the week and still get up for her 8 a.m. class? She’s still here. She’s just taken on some new hobbies like watching her children grow.